Spoilers are not just fun and convenient. They are, in this oft-troubled and unsteady world, an absolute good. They can save viewers countless hours by telling them in advance exactly how movies and TV shows turn out. No more slogging through endless plot twists, dialogue, and that old bugaboo character development. Just skip right to the resolution and experience all the closure with none of the commitment. And blurting out movie and TV spoilers during a casual conversation is a great way to irritate really pretentious, overly sensitive people who want their viewing experience to be “pure” and unsullied by foreknowledge. Perhaps the only way to improve upon spoilers would be to gather a whole bunch of them in one place, condense them down to three minutes or so, and set them to an indelible melody by the incomparable songsmith William Martin “Billy” Joel, himself a national treasure.