For decades, Nickelodeon’s slime has tormented Hollywood’s most affable A-list stars. Not a year goes by that the likes of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, DJ Khaled, or Chris Pratt do not suffer under the threat of being covered in Nickelodeon-branded goo, often right as they are attempting to present a coveted award. After tonight, thanks to NASA and SpaceX, not even outer-space will provide a safe haven from slime for stars who are just looking to promote their latest films, TV shows, and albums.
At 5:24 PM CT, one of SpaceX’s Dragon capsules is scheduled to launch from Cape Canaveral and deliver 5,500 pounds of experiments and supplies to the International Space Station. Included in that resupply payload will be some amount of slime, meaning that at long last, with the help of NASA, Nickelodeon will have the ordinance it needs to launch tactical slime strikes on Justin Bieber from orbit.
Get a load of this laboratory-grade slime.
The inclusion of slime on the mission is meant to help promote STEM education, as well as test the effects of weightlessness on integrated marketing campaigns. Once the slime has been brought on board, some astronauts—the celebrities of the sky—will also be slimed.
And slime isn’t the only science-experiment-cum-advertising-opportunity being shipped up by SpaceX. The world’s best and brightest will also get an Adidas soccer ball to fuck around with and finally determine the answer to the question: what if soccer...in space?
“Observing and measuring the motion of soccer balls in microgravity improves understanding of the general behavior of free-flying objects,” NASA told CNN to justify allowing astronauts to take penalty kicks at billions of dollars worth of fragile space station technology. “This could contribute to better design and use of free-flying objects such as small robots in spacecraft.”
Good luck to both the slime and the soccer ball, we will keep you updated if either become sentient.
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