“I’ve got some good news—there’s bad news for Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz.” That’s how Stephen Colbert kicked off his latest report on the ongoing legal troubles of noted trust-fund Trumpist, pal of Holocaust deniers, and seriously screwed accused sex trafficker Gaetz, “seen here finding out his date is 30,” noted Colbert while showing an image of the Florida lawmaker grimacing in shocked disappointment.
And here we should all agree that nobody’s mocking the young women who say that Gaetz has a long history of drug-fueled predation against underage girls. That being said, Colbert could barely contain himself as he introduced yet another installment in his segment “Gaetz-Gate: Up-Gaet,” this time focusing on the fact that yet another witness to the Florida congressperson’s sleazily illegal sex crimes is now cooperating with the federal investigation against the noted white supremacist and elected Republican.
If you recall, the first such flipping Gaetz wingman-in-crime was Gaetz’s best friend, one Joel Greenberg, who Colbert noted, is playing ball with the feds since, “he’s not dumb.” And, if your number one bro spilling his guts to federal agents about your predilection for illegal sexual exploitation of minors wasn’t bad enough (Colbert’s staff had worked up an animation of Gaetz asking the way to “Euphoria High School”), there’s now another, somehow even skeezier witness telling all.
As Colbert noted, this new corroborating witness to the “whoopsie, we did a pedophilia!” phone call where Greenberg told Gaetz that they’s had sex with the same underage girl, is one Joseph “Big Joe” Ellicott. He, in addition to swearing as to the content of that very incriminating phone call, was also swept up in an investigation into Greenberg apparently turning his Florida tax collector office into a very Florida-esque den of corruption and unlawful debauchery. He also got his super-cool nickname from his time as a radio shock-jock, which is pretty much the occupation most likely to be associated with creepy Florida bigots with unsavory sex habits, apparently.
Seizing on the whole shock-jock, morning zoo thing, Colbert’s busy staff once more got to mocking up some Gaetz-related comedy, playing their version of that fateful and incriminating phone call, complete with all the toilet-flush sound effects and a-wooga horns you’d expect. As for the embattled but ever-terrible Gaetz, the Florida Republican continues to deny everything his longtime best friend is telling, in horrifying detail, to federal prosecutors. That oughta do it.