Susan Boyle is The Miracle That Simon Cowell Built—a dowdy old Scottish lady who could adequately sing a show tune, thus filling the gaping, dowdy-old-Scottish-lady-who-could-adequately-sing-a-show-tune-shaped hole in America's hearts that had been left there ever since we realized Mrs Doubtfire wasn't a documentary. When Susan Boyle opened her mouth to sing, the clouds parted, and a bright, beautiful ray of hope shone down from the heavens. She inspired us all to live, and to never give up, and to choose Les Miz if we're ever going on an audition. But most importantly, she inspired us all to cry at shaky YouTube clips of awful British talent shows.
Now, because you've asked for it, Susan Boyle has an album coming out. And when you stop into your local market for a minute just to pick up some milk or something on the way home, and you hear her haunting rendition of "Wild Horses" through the supermarket sound system for the first time, it will instantly become the most inspirational trip to the supermarket you've ever had. More inspirational than that time you heard Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" while picking out grapes.
If only this version of the song had been around in 1996, when the Mark Wahlberg/Reese Witherspoon stalker boyfriend classic Fear was made. The painful-looking roller-coaster love scene could have been that much more painful.
