It really doesn't pay to spend much time rationalizing
why you shower your darling with sweets on Valentine's Day. Sure, you care, and
yes, sometimes it's nice to indulge, but it would be dishonest to ignore the
subtext: your hope that the post-goodie sugar high will disorient your loved
one long enough for him or her to overlook your faults and have sex with you.
Even if your syrupy bribe works, it doesn't mean the edible fun has to end. The
A.V. Club
recently discovered a bizarro pseudo-culinary market at the corner of "carnal"
and "confection."
Clone-A-Willy and Clone-A-Pussy chocolate
molding kits ($24.95)
Are candy hearts with the words "Be Mine" stamped
on them too ambiguous? Show that fuckable someone you mean business with a
chocolate replica of your genitals. Easy-to-follow, four-step directions will
have you serving notice of your intentions as fast as you can say "molding
tube." Those with allergies best be careful—the website warns that the
chocolate may contain traces of nuts.
Source: cloneawilly.com
Fizz Lubricant ($8.99)
Fizz is a soda-flavored lubricant that not only
"fizzes and tingles," but also comes in six different flavors, packaged in
soda-bottle-shaped containers. At first blush, it's attractive in a "soda's
always pretty good, so why not?" kind of way, but then again, some things should
never, ever taste like root beer.
Source: edenfantasys.com
Edible Bra ($3.50)
With no description beyond the product name, the
Edible Bra suggests many questions: Does one size fit all? What's it made of?
Does anyone truly desire to consume their significant other's undergarments?
Nonetheless, if you're looking for one of these units in the first place, those
answers probably don't matter. Available in cherry and strawberry-champagne.