If Mark Zuckerberg's going to talk so much, at least he could do it in a cute Scottish accent

It seems like Mark Zuckerberg can’t shut up lately. Admittedly, that’s at least partially because the Facebook CEO is getting yelled at pretty regularly at the moment, prompting an increased commitment to loudly apologizing to anyone he meets. Still, though: Dude’s got a Nathan Fielder voice with a severely…

Congressional inquiry reveals we'll believe any damn thing about Mark Zuckerberg, as long as it sucks

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was subject to one of the harshest punishments America can reserve for one of its rich white executives today, when the U.S. Congress forced him to have a five-minute, inescapable conversation with Texas senator Ted Cruz. Cruz—who seemed extremely upset at the idea that Facebook might have…

Zuckerberg issues another apology ahead of Congressional testimony

On any given day, it seems safe to assume that Mark Zuckerberg is probably very sorry. Maybe he’s sorry for how miserable Facebook makes us in general, maybe he’s sorry for allowing a firm working with the Donald Trump campaign to steal profile data from 50 million—make that 87 million—people, and maybe he’s sorry …

The next stop on Mark Zuckerberg's apology tour: Testifying before Congress

Attention, David Fincher: The framing device for the Social Network sequel we never really thought about until recently but sounds more intriguing every day has arrived. CNN Money reports that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has, in the news outlet’s words, “come to terms with the fact” that he’s going to have to testify…

Watch normal person Mark Zuckerberg explain that he was once human

Mark Zuckerberg is going to run for president. He has subtly filtered out his less nationally acceptable views—disavowing his onetime atheism, for example—while hiring Hillary Clinton’s chief strategist and touring the country and spouting policy initiatives that pretty clearly transcend the scope of running a social…

South Park's "Franchise Prequel" is a decent video game commercial—and that's about it

Even if Trey Parker and Matt Stone have always been shameless in their self-promotion, they’ve at least been able to turn it into a good joke. To sell more tickets to The Book Of Mormon tour, they tacked on an advertisement to the end of a Broadway-themed episode in Season 15 (one of their best), and their South Park:…

Like all of us, Ivanka Trump spent the weekend liking fan page Instagram photos of herself

Celebrities truly are just like us, spending their long Labor Day weekends idly scrolling through Instagram and liking photos that appear on weird fan pages about themselves, just as every boy and girl in America does. Like literally all of us, after a traditional Labor Day cookout and a few attempts to serve as a…

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Facebook and Snapchat both want us living in emoji-slathered hellscapes

Ignoring the fact that most of us already spend the better part of our days with our eyes glued to our phone, typing in questions like, “Who was the guy in that thing?” “What song is this?” and “Why do my eyes bleed when I try to go to sleep every night?”, Facebook mastermind Mark Zuckerberg envisions a world in which…

Hey hey, you you, Avril Lavigne doesn’t like Facebook’s Nickelback bullying

In a Facebook video posted earlier this week to reveal Mark Zuckerberg’s new AI companion Jarvis (a name taken from the Marvel movies, suggesting that The Social Network was pretty accurate with its depiction of Zuckerberg’s creativity), Zuckerberg asked the AI to play him “some good Nickelback songs.” The Morgan…

UPDATED: Facebook employees rebel against Mark Zuckerberg, actually try to stop fake news

With Mark Zuckerberg shrugging off the notion that Facebook’s fake news problem affected the election despite evidence to the contrary, a group of Facebook employees are actually taking a stand against their boss. According to a report from BuzzFeed, some have formed an “unofficial task force” to deal with the issue.…