El-P refused to give the NFL a Run The Jewels song, "because fuck them"

Neatly encapsulating a certain branch of public opinion surrounding the NFL—whose knee-hating commissioner, Roger Goodell, issued a statement yesterday ordering all players to either stand during the national anthem, or stay in the locker room until the song is over—at the moment, Run The Jewels’ El-P revealed on…

Papa John's is no longer the "official pizza of the NFL"

Papa John’s used to be known for making medium-good pizza pies, but the company inadvertently found itself in the middle of an extra-large shitshow last year when CEO John Schnatter—Papa John himself—suggested that the NFL protests were hurting sales because of Papa John’s status as the “official pizza of the NFL.” …

Hot new country track "Take A Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take A Knee)" confusingly protests something or other

Politically inclined country music has come a long—and not necessarily better—way in the years since Loretta Lynn sang about “The Pill” in 1975, with guys like Toby Keith extolling the virtues of boot-up-your-ass diplomacy to hordes of cheering fans (and the occasional inaugural crowd). Say what you like about Keith…

Papa John's CEO blames NFL protests for his shitty pizza company's shitty profits

This shouldn’t be a controversial statement, but let’s find out: Papa John’s pizza is gross. The sauce is too sweet, the crust too doughy, and the cheese is either rubbery or so oily it slides right off of the slice like a sheet of ice off a rooftop on a sunny winter’s afternoon. Founder and CEO John Schnatter hasn’t…

Game Of Thrones' Mountain blows massive football horn in manliest display ever conceived

In a confluence of masculine energy so intense that it threatened to disrupt the nation’s very power grid, the Minnesota Vikings yesterday invited Game Of Thrones’ Mountain to blow some massive fucking horn thing. Actor Hafþór J Björnsson, also Europe’s strongest man and Queen Cersei’s undead weed carrier, performed…

Late Night With Seth Meyers' Amber Ruffin thinks former Bears coach Mike Ditka's takes are "da worst"

Late Night With Seth Meyers’ Amber Ruffin is a consistently funny presence whenever the writer and comic pops up to deliver her signature brand of chirpy wisdom about the (invariably awful) news of the day. She memorably took Meyers on a tour of her “safe space” getaway in the 30 Rock offices, a post-Charlottesville…

DirecTV offers NFL Sunday Ticket refunds to customers traumatized by quiet, respectful kneeling

Offering that customary “cable TV provider” level of compassion and care—in this case, to customers traumatized by the sight of men kneeling, the most threatening and hostile of all the gestures of dignity and supplication—DirecTV is reportedly giving out refunds to subscribers who cite the current wave of NFL…

Here are the inevitable videos of angry men burning their NFL jerseys

Sports are the only thing bigger than Donald Trump in this country, so it was only a matter of time before he added them to his list of enemies alongside The New York Times, Kristen Stewart, and sharks. It began on Friday, when Trump said the NFL should fire any “son of a bitch” who would protest the national anthem…

The Trump-Sports War escalates, leaving millions in danger of getting dunked on

Donald Trump—a man for whom kicking hornets nests comes as naturally as if he was a blindfolded guy in clown shoes, walking through Ye Olde Hornet-Filled Woods—found a doozy to punt today, picking a fight with not just one, but two separate major league sports associations in a 24-hour span. Earlier today, Trump took…

Donald Trump takes time out of his busy "war threat" schedule to whine about football

Never let it be said that the current President Of The United States isn’t an equal opportunity complainer. After spending the day kvetching about foreign leaders, election opponents, and social media, Trump made sure to devote a surprisingly heavy chunk of his time at a campaign rally tonight—otherwise earmarked for…

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