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Hot new country track "Take A Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take A Knee)" confusingly protests something or other

Politically inclined country music has come a long—and not necessarily better—way in the years since Loretta Lynn sang about “The Pill” in 1975, with guys like Toby Keith extolling the virtues of boot-up-your-ass diplomacy to hordes of cheering fans (and the occasional inaugural crowd). Say what you like about Keith…

Papa John's CEO blames NFL protests for his shitty pizza company's shitty profits

This shouldn’t be a controversial statement, but let’s find out: Papa John’s pizza is gross. The sauce is too sweet, the crust too doughy, and the cheese is either rubbery or so oily it slides right off of the slice like a sheet of ice off a rooftop on a sunny winter’s afternoon. Founder and CEO John Schnatter hasn’t…

Game Of Thrones' Mountain blows massive football horn in manliest display ever conceived

In a confluence of masculine energy so intense that it threatened to disrupt the nation’s very power grid, the Minnesota Vikings yesterday invited Game Of Thrones’ Mountain to blow some massive fucking horn thing. Actor Hafþór J Björnsson, also Europe’s strongest man and Queen Cersei’s undead weed carrier, performed…

Late Night With Seth Meyers' Amber Ruffin thinks former Bears coach Mike Ditka's takes are "da worst"

Late Night With Seth Meyers’ Amber Ruffin is a consistently funny presence whenever the writer and comic pops up to deliver her signature brand of chirpy wisdom about the (invariably awful) news of the day. She memorably took Meyers on a tour of her “safe space” getaway in the 30 Rock offices, a post-Charlottesville…

DirecTV offers NFL Sunday Ticket refunds to customers traumatized by quiet, respectful kneeling

Offering that customary “cable TV provider” level of compassion and care—in this case, to customers traumatized by the sight of men kneeling, the most threatening and hostile of all the gestures of dignity and supplication—DirecTV is reportedly giving out refunds to subscribers who cite the current wave of NFL…

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The Trump-Sports War escalates, leaving millions in danger of getting dunked on

Donald Trump—a man for whom kicking hornets nests comes as naturally as if he was a blindfolded guy in clown shoes, walking through Ye Olde Hornet-Filled Woods—found a doozy to punt today, picking a fight with not just one, but two separate major league sports associations in a 24-hour span. Earlier today, Trump took…

Donald Trump takes time out of his busy "war threat" schedule to whine about football

Never let it be said that the current President Of The United States isn’t an equal opportunity complainer. After spending the day kvetching about foreign leaders, election opponents, and social media, Trump made sure to devote a surprisingly heavy chunk of his time at a campaign rally tonight—otherwise earmarked for…