We've built a robot child that can weep and bleed on command, at last

Fulfilling the grand, dystopian dreams of playwright Karel Čapek—whose 1920 work R.U.R. introduced both the word “robot,” and the concept of people being dicks to robots, to the world—science has finally delivered unto us a robot boy who can bleed and cry on command. Per Wired, Hal—which, c’mon, people, can we at…

Big Brother is getting up to some supremely goofy shit with robots, folks

It’s weird days recently for one of TV’s already-weirdest reality franchises, as Big Brother—the human zoo in which people are kept drunk, bored, and on-camera until they either get voted out of the house, or reveal their most racist and sexist inner selves—lumbers forward through its 20th season on CBS. Desperate to…

Somebody actually made that terrifying bot-written Olive Garden commercial

Last week, writer and comedian Keaton Patti showed how bots can be a force for good when he said he fed 1,000 hours of Olive Garden ads to a machine and asked it to write one of its own. The result was an absurdist nightmare in the mold of Heiner Müller’s Hamletmachine, a terrorscape where the “pasta nachos” are “warm…

MIT scientists created a “psychopath” AI by feeding it violent content from Reddit

We’ve all seen evil machines in The Terminator or The Matrix, but how does a machine become evil? Is it like Project Satan from Futurama, where scientists combined parts from various evil cars to create the ultimate evil car? Or are machines simply destined to eventually turn evil when their processing power or…

A machine has learned to tell jokes, and they're actually pretty good

One day soon the robots will replace us in all things, whether we like it or not. They’ll be doctors and engineers and even artists and, though we may still prefer human expressions of creativity in this gleaming future, it won’t matter because the robots will probably have us living in rows of vats, sucking out our…

Westworld promotion drops extremely fucked-up looking robot in the middle of a pub 

As part of their final promotional push for the new season of Westworld, British broadcasting company Now TV decided to scare the ever-loving shit out of some poor Londoners who were just trying to get a drink. They did this by placing “Fred”—a humanoid robot that’s about as close as you can get to a real-life…

Anti-homeless robot covered in barbecue sauce, given well-deserved ass-kicking

Sooner or later we’ll all be bowing down to robot overlords, so it’s for the best that humanity humiliate and debase our future mechanical masters as much as possible while we still have the chance. That the machines aren’t in charge just yet was made clear when a San Francisco anti-homeless robot was pushed over,…

Saudi Arabia takes terrifying step to the future by granting a robot citizenship 

Every advancement in artificial intelligence technology seems like a step closer to one of Hollywood’s many robot-related dystopias. A robot becomes impossibly good at Ms. Pac-Man? That robot will soon be a Terminator. Robots learn how to track humans even when not on the internet? That will be helpful for when the…

That giant robot battle was fake because there is nothing good left in this world

Earlier this week, a battle two years in the making was finally streamed live for the world to see. This ultimate robotic showdown between team USA’s 16-foot-tall mech, “Eagle Prime,” and Japan’s 13-foot-tall “Kuratas” was meant to show the destructive capabilities of these massive machines in a heart-pounding…