Stunning all who are unfamiliar with the way that money works, Marvel has confirmed that next year’s The Avengers will go through the 3-D post-conversion that all of today’s movies are required to go through before they leave the lot. It’s like not buying a new car without paying a little extra to get it rustproofed—you don’t want your car to get all rusty, right? But don't worry, the film will also be available in boring two dimensions for boring old people, with all their old-fashioned demands for “clear visuals” and “lack of distracting gimmicks” and “not quite as inflated ticket prices,” like old people like. These theaters won't provide afghans or bone medicine, so bring your own, but they should still have plenty of room for whittlin' and dying.
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