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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The children have invented a new way to use swings and will now leave Earth behind

Illustration for article titled The children have invented a new way to use swings and will now leave Earth behind
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Most adults tell kids how much easier it is for them to be young now than it was “back in their day.” In 2019, with our environment terminally ill and fascist ideology on the rise across the globe, it’s hard to tell modern children that things sucked worse for grown-ups because there were dial-up modems and Blockbuster late fees when we were young. They know that things are more terrible today than they were in the past.


Having seen that everything keep getting worse and nobody in charge seems to be doing much to improve the situation, the kids have now decided to escape the planet altogether by creating a DIY method for single-person, low-tech space launches. Look on below to see their vision for yourself.

A Newsflare video documents this innovation in practice. A trio of children on a Moldovan playground are shown working a swingset in ways never intended, flinging one of their junior cosmonauts up and around the top bar so she gains the momentum necessary to fly upward and away from our cursed Earth.

It looks extremely dangerous. The kid on the swing’s seat continually whips upward so she’s totally upside down, ready to fall off as soon as the swing’s speed decreases too far. The oldest of them—a teenage girl—seems to be the only authority actually monitoring what’s happening and, well, she helps get things going at the beginning. We look at all of this and think of the horrible injuries just waiting to happen.

But adult eyes naturally look at this primitive space program all wrong. The kids know they need to flee the planet and, having no access to sophisticated technology, are making do with what they’ve got. What are a few broken bones and concussions next to the possibility of an actual future? When the children take to the skies, slingshotting themselves into the air without any hope of safely leaving orbit or returning to the ground, they are paving the way for their peers like the great canine hero, Laika, once did for the rest of us.

Godspeed and good luck kids; Swing, swing, swing into the future.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.