The FBI finally recognizes Juggalos as a national threat
After years of watching fecklessly as Insane Clown Posse directed attacks against reality show stars, science, and the concept of rhyming, the FBI has finally taken the Juggalo threat under serious advisement, adding the group’s face-painting “Family” members to its 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment as a “loosely organized hybrid gang” that poses an increasing threat so dangerous, it necessitates two pages and several bullet points. Big bullet points, with footnotes and colored subsections and everything, so you know it’s serious. Why the sudden panicky graphic design? Because according to the FBI, Juggalos have begun moving beyond merely gathering for mutual music appreciation and discussion about how much they hate their stepdads toward “forming more organized subsets and engaging in more gang-like criminal activity.” (At least, whenever their dipshit boss lets them off. Yo, it’s just a Sonic, bitch! What’s your problem?)