This summer I happened upon a Discovery Channel show called I Was Bitten that was easily one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen on television—and I saw Britain's Worst Teeth. In it, a man recounted his tale of being bitten on his thumb by a snake, an interview that was helpfully intercut with increasingly repulsive photos of his injury: first his thumb was bloody and slightly swollen, then it turned dark red and purple and ballooned to the size of a small eggplant, then it became eerily translucent and moist-looking like a giant sea slug with a thumbnail, until finally it kind of disintegrated. It was the most grotesque spectacle I'd seen on television, but FOX may have finally come up with something worse.
Behold the trailer for Osbournes Reloaded, a show that is at least as nausating, but yet not as entertaining, as watching a man's thumb slowly inflate with snake venom and then explode:
What did we do to deserve this? Does anyone want an "edgy" Donny & Marie hour for the aughts? Because I'm sure the 100 people that do are in that seizure-vision Osbo-dome—there's really no need to subject the rest of us to it.
You have to hand it to the Osbournes, though. They're really giving Howie Mandel a run for his loud, 'splosiony mediocrity here: they match him unfunny prank for unfunny prank, and they saw his Montell Jordan chant and raised him an Ozzy & Kelly duet on a rotating throne platform. Who will be the absolute worst?
