Say what you will about The Today Show—that it's an infinitely large black hole of stupidity, that watching it feels like your brain is floating in a helium balloon somewhere above your head, that it's powered solely by Al Roker's ferocious gnawing id—it's not afraid to grab all the eyeballs it can, even if those eyeballs are attached to real-life Humbert Humberts. Having already cornered the half-asleep, freak-show-loving, and people-who-like-to-be-shown-calorie-counts-of-various-food-items-in-dramatic-fashion demographics, today the Today Show appealed directly to pervs everywhere. How else can you explain the following 3 minute segment "Madonna's little girl grows up," aka "Madonna's 12-year-old daughter: officially pubescent"?