The fireplaces are roaring once again at Ardross Castle, the Land Rovers are revved up and ready to shuttle through the Scottish Highlands, and Alan Cumming is dressed like the flashy love child of Samuel L. Jackson and a Russian ice dancer. We’re back, baby, and in the words of season-four contestant Ron Funches, we’re nervous and excited in a way that makes us feel like we have to poop a little.
Yes, Peacock’s elaborate, Emmy-winning send-up of the party game Mafia returns tonight with three fresh episodes of schemes and strategy—a double-ep drop will follow on January 15, after which installments will be released once a week—and 23 eager new players. Well, mostly new. The Real Housewives Of New York City alum Dorinda Medley is back for redemption after her episode-one departure last season (“I arose from the bogs of Scotland!”), and Ms. Make-It-Nice is joined by other familiar faces from the larger Bravo universe: Lisa Rinna (RHOBH), Porsha Williams (RHOA), Candiace Dillard Bassett (RHOP), and Caroline Stanbury (RHODubai), as well as Top Chef host Kristen Kish. Rivaling that Bravoleb contingency are “the gamers,” contestants plucked from the likes of Big Brother (Ian Terry and Tiffany Mitchell) and Survivor (Natalie Anderson, Rob Cesternino, and Yamil “Yam Yam” Arocho).
As usual, those shared backgrounds prompt easy early alliances—a Love Island bond between Maura Higgins and Rob Rausch, a sporty connection between Olympic figure skaters Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir—but this viewer is always more intrigued by the lone wolves who, at least in the beginning, are forced to stalk things out solo. This season’s cast boasts several, from the aforementioned Funches to world-famous football mom Donna Kelce to actor-comedian Michael Rapaport (who, despite his many loud proclamations, is not actually a Real Housewife).
That lone-wolf concept will be an important one this season, as a gloriously dressed Alan reveals before we even hit the castle gates. That’s because we’re not just getting the usual back-stabbing trio of Traitors this time around but also a fourth “Secret Traitor,” a red-cloaked phantom whose identity is shielded not only from us viewers but also, notably, the other Traitors. The solo agent will act on their own, offering up a shortlist of Faithfuls for the remaining Traitors to pull from for each murder. And while the news isn’t so well-received by this season’s selected deceptors Lisa, Candiace, and Rob R. (“I feel like we’re second fiddlers!”), it’s a welcome shake-up for the show, adding an extra layer of gameplay and duplicity to the campy production.
Our three Traitors wrestle with those uncomfy feelings of powerlessness following the first mission, which earns the group $22,500 to the prize pot for tugging coffins from loch to land and chucking them into the respective marked graves of their fellow competitors. Each contestant left with a filled grave is up for murder, a longlist that gets whittled down to Rob R., Ian, singer Eric Nam and Dancing With The Stars pro Mark Ballas. Out of those candidates, the Traitors decide to kill off Big Brother victor Ian as the castle’s first victim, much to their own confusion (who exactly is the Secret Traitor and what is their plan?) and Dorinda’s delight. (She lives to see another breakfast!)
Rapaport’s shifty behavior and shrill declarations leave the Faithfuls convinced he’s a Traitor and the Traitors thinking he’s the Secret Traitor, a suspicion boosted by a bitchy spat between the actor and Yam Yam over shields in mission two. (The Survivor alum, along with Caroline and The Bachelor’s Colton Underwood, end up snagging them and are marked safe from murder.) The competitors are growing equally distrustful of Mama Kelce, too, who has gotten markedly quieter and more withdrawn in the days since the premiere. But will they dare target Taylor Swift’s soon-to-be mother-in-law? “I’m not scared of Michael; I’m scared of the Swifties,” Colton says, rightly.
Those doubts are momentarily put on pause by Ron’s roundtable case against Porsha, who he points out previously mentioned the existence of four Traitors (“We don’t know how many Traitors there are, unless you are one,” he reasons), among other verbal slipups. That’s enough evidence for the bunch as they banish The Real Housewives of Atlanta star, only to find out that she is, sadly, of Faithful stock.
Though Lisa’s condemnation of Porsha has the other Housewives questioning her Bravo loyalty, the three Traitors are operating largely undercover, which is especially helpful as Alan tasks them with murdering someone in plain sight. As Candiace distracts the rest of the castle with a well-timed conga line, Rob R. and Lisa manage to locate tarot cards marking Tara, Kristen, Monet, and Rob C. as the evening’s shortlisted competitors. At the top of episode three, we discover that it’s Rob C.’s card that’s thrown into the fire by the Traitors, cutting another big gamer from the competition. That strategy doesn’t go unnoticed by the Faithfuls, which sparks another mature bitch-fest between Rapaport and Yam Yam. (“I think you’re full of doo-doo—big Traitor doo-doo!” )
We don’t have to wait for the day’s end for another heated banishment, as the roundtable oddly arrives pre-mission in the third ep. No surprise, both Michael Rapaport and Mama Kelce’s names are back in contention, as is Ron’s after that Porsha-targeting fiasco. In the end, Donna’s placidness over Michael’s bombast is what sends her packing and leads to the epic reveal that, yes, Mama Kelce is not only a Traitor but the Secret Traitor herself!
Via flashback, we see the red-cloaked Donna delight in her extra-deceptive role (“It’ll be just a hoot!”) and also grow emotional at the opportunity of featuring so prominently in the game. Admittedly, it would have been entertaining to tag along with Travis and Jason’s mom as she got up to no good in that castle turret, but it’s a necessary trade-off for the fun of that cloak-and-dagger surprise.
With the banishment taken care of, we have another murder to set up and a mission to complete. The competitors pair up—save for solitary Ron, still black-sheeped for the Porsha situation and therefore immediately placed on the Traitors’ shortlist—with one player encaged and one actively searching for the 10 skulls hidden among the marsh that will free their partner. With their teammates unsuccessful in uncaging them, Caroline, Kristen, Lisa, and Eric join Ron on the murder list and that evening are trotted out blindfolded to the woods and each tied to a tree. Yes, it’s a face-to-face murder, folks, though we won’t find out the victim until next week. But Ron is ready: “If you don’t kill me now, you will regret it. Show me your faces!” he roars as the credits roll.
So, what do you think of the big Secret Traitor twist? Is it too middle management or are you down with the added messiness? With Mama Kelce out of the game, it’ll be intriguing to see if Alan and co. instate a new Secret Traitor or if they’ll simply go old-school and let the Traitors trio rope in another player to their cloaked subterfuge. Nine episodes remain, with undoubtedly many more castle hijinks to come.
Stray observations
- • As a devoted Love Island fan, I wasn’t shocked to see Snakecharmer Rob get distracted by a member of the opposite sex, but I was pleasantly surprised that the object of his affections was none other than Mama Kelce. “I like her a lot, I’m not joking at all…is she married?” Oh, the ship that could have been!
- • Unsurprisingly, the only person who can come close to Alan’s unhinged sartorial contributions this season—he gives full Heat Miser realness in episode three is Lisa Rinna, who spends much of her screen time dressed like a cheetah coffee table.
Christina Izzo is a contributor to The A.V. Club.
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