Friday is 4th of July, which means that most every American will soon be eating grilled things and dodging illegal fireworks in the name of freedom. But this weekend when you're lighting the charcoal in your grill, and you hear a sonorous bellow sound from the belly of your BBQ, remember you must resist the siren's call of the glowing fire-beast contained within. He may sound like one of us, but the fire-beast is neither man nor woman, but pure, malevolent demon, sent from the pits of hell to scorch your flesh with his mighty breaths of flame (which, incidentally, are also pretty good for cooking).
Below, a PSA that warns of this terrible, burning scourge known as "fire:"