This Independence Day, Beware The Eerily Articulate Fire-Demon

By Amelie Gillette  |  June 30, 2008 | 9:26pm
Aux Features Hater

Friday is 4th of July, which means that most every American will soon be eating grilled things and dodging illegal fireworks in the name of freedom. But this weekend when you're lighting the charcoal in your grill, and you hear a sonorous bellow sound from the belly of your BBQ, remember you must resist the siren's call of the glowing fire-beast contained within. He may sound like one of us, but the fire-beast is neither man nor woman, but pure, malevolent demon, sent from the pits of hell to scorch your flesh with his mighty breaths of flame (which, incidentally, are also pretty good for cooking).

Below, a PSA that warns of this terrible, burning scourge known as "fire:"

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(via BestWeekEver)

In other words: "Fire hot. No touch."

In truth, though, I'm glad that there's a PSA to warn everyone about the eerily articulate fire-demon who lives inside of our BBQs, waiting to maim us. Someone should also put together a PSA about the vicious, sparkling unicorns of explosives that can shoot out of fireworks, and the horrible, alcohol poisoning trolls that lurk at the bottom of Franzia boxes—not to mention the angry, dangerous Salmonella ghosts that are created when potato salad is left out in the sun too long.

 
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