This Week In Terrifying Hybrids: 1. Very Primitive Face-Blending Technology + Baby Jolie-Pitt + Way Too Much Time = AOL's Baby Brangelina Slideshow
You know that game that kids play at Halloween where you blindfold someone and stick their hand in a bowl full of peeled grapes, telling them that it's a bowl full of eyeballs? That's kind of creepy, right? Well, this slideshow is like the visual equivelent of that, except the bowl is actually full of squishy eyeballs, freshly plucked from the corpses of the dead. What I mean is, nothing could creep you out so thoroughly as looking at these composites of Brad and Angelina's future children–except maybe thinking about the people who made them. They invented an little brother for Shiloh. And they "imagined" how Shiloh and her imaginary composite brother would age. And they wrote captions, like, "When will mommy and daddy let their daughter date?" (for the "Shiloh: The Teen Years" composite). Basically, they are the boogeyman.
2. Soap + razor + Kevin Federline = Kevin Federline Howell III
This is just unnatural. It's like looking at a picture of a dolphin sitting behind a desk, or Mariah Carey in a turtleneck and loose skirt. Speaking of which…
3. Mariah Carey's legs + Dubious Marketing Strategy + All The Plaster In The World = This Statue Made By Gillette
So, what's the strategy here exactly? Looking at a towering 16-foot statue of Mariah Carey's legs is going to make people want to shave? Maybe eventually, but the first reaction is going to be puzzlement, followed quickly by terror, and then an overwhelming urge to either destroy the legs or run away. But just think, when the fall of Mariah Carey comes, and one day it will (again), we as a society will have a perfect symbolic representation of her to harness and yank to the ground, then replace with an American flag. Go freedom!
4. Ricky Martin + Egypt + Goatee = Gerardo In The Pyramids
Just in case you were wondering what Ricky Martin's been up to lately, he's been dressing up like a short-haired Gerardo and hanging out in front of the pyramids in Egypt, jumping in front of every camera-wielding tourist the split-second before their shutter goes off. So, now you know.