Tina Fey, Mike Schur, and 35 other showrunners on the "coronavirus episodes" that could've been
One of the first things ‘90s kids did once self-isolation set in was to dream up their own episodes of Seinfeld. How, one wonders, would Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer deal with a global pandemic and a culture of social distancing? We even shared a script for a full episode, “The Quarantine,” written by one curious fan. Well, it turns out it’s not just fans wondering how their favorite characters would fare, but their creators, too. In an epic new feature, Vulture called upon 37 different showrunners and creators to share what own shows might look like in the face of COVID-19. They include storied sitcom writers like Tina Fey (30 Rock), Mike Schur (Parks And Recreation), and Christopher Lloyd (Frasier), as well as the minds behind drama series like Lost, The Shield, and 24. Even some current showrunners, like Gentefied’s Marvin Lemus and Linda Yvette Chavez and Dickinson’s Alena Smith, shared their thoughts.
For example, here’s Fey on what 30 Rock’s Tracy Jordan would be up to:
Tracy has already contracted and survived the virus (“My snakes eat bats and then I use my snakes to practice French kissing, so it was inevitable, Liz Lemon!”), so he would declare himself an immune “green person” and set out to help. (Tracy: “Like Mister Rogers said, ‘Look like the helpers.’”) So, dressed as a firefighter, he would volunteer his time delivering illegal box jellyfish to the elderly.
But the best part, perhaps, isn’t even the narratives so much as the way they’ve been presented here. Veep’s David Mandel, for example, imagined Selina Meyer’s coronavirus response as a chapter from her biography. Jason Katims, meanwhile, wrote a stern, low-key inspirational speech in the voice of Friday Night Lights’ Coach Taylor. “You will put yourself and your family and your community at serious risk if you act like a jackass,” he declares, and, Christ, will somebody please get this to Kyle Chandler?
INT.: PANTHERS LOCKER ROOM
COACH TAYLOR
The district announced schools will be closed starting tomorrow, so this is the last time we’ll be meeting for a while. Maybe a long while. The least important thing right now is football. However. Still damn important. You’re still on this team. You still have football responsibilities. We’re lucky enough to live in Texas. There’s tons of empty spaces. Go find one and do your running, do your suicides, do your stretches. If you’re a quarterback, hang a truck tire in your yard and throw a football through it an hour every day. Is that understood?
TEAM
Yes, sir.