The main purpose of America's Next Top Model, as even the most casual viewer knows, is to inflate Tyra Banks' enormous, elastic ego through a combination of over-the-top costumes, mandatory boistrous enthusiasm from the contestants, and the plentiful tears of hopeful but hopeless models. Tyra must be the center of attention at all times.

So when a large, colorful, expressive Chinese dragon came into frame during the judging portion of last night's episode, you could almost feel the invisible flames of jealousy emanating from Tyra's eyes. A nation held its breath. When confronted with a creature sassier, prettier, and far more flamboyant than she, what would Tyra do?

As always, she decided to communicate with it in the hope of extracting a painful story of childhood abuse. But when that didn't work, she screamed, "China!" and grabbed a giant Chinese fan for a furious round of fan-dancing.



Seriously, watching this show is like being trapped in a Gravitron made out of ridiculousness.

Still, I wonder how Tyra the model, as opposed to Tyra the actress, would have handled the situation.