Ukraine wants to ban SpongeBob SquarePants, on account of it being gay
The Ukraine is a sitting duck—it's weak and feeble—just waiting to have its society destroyed by the insidious forces of American cartoons. Fortunately there is the Ukraine's National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality, which recently called for a ban on imported shows like SpongeBob SquarePants, a cartoon it termed "a real threat to children" for its clear agenda of promoting homosexuality. According to the report, the "asexuality" of the common sponge, like so many a shy college student, is nothing but a cover for raging homosexual love, evidenced by SpongeBob's frequent holding of hands with his pink pal Patrick, taking boating lessons from a character named Miss Puff ("'Puff' being both a derogatory and affectionate term to describe a gay man," The Daily Mail adds helpfully), and his living in an underwater pineapple, the gayest of fruits.