Cameo is an app we as a society simply do not deserve. Its premise is simple enough, if indescribably off-putting: For a pre-determined fee, a user can get their preferred “celebrity” of choice to record a quick, personalized message for them, their loved ones, or even their soon-to-be exes. We use “celebrity” in quotations here only because the app’s qualifications for the term are somewhat malleable. Sure, you can pay Ice-T to recite John Mulaney’s wonderful Law & Order: SVU monologue, but you can also toss quarters at former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who will gladly congratulate your (non-existent) child on their recent poopies.
Today, in what undoubtedly falls into the latter category: Someone paid Joe Arpaio, the disgraced, immigrant-brutalizing Arizona sheriff pardoned by Trump, a cool $30 to bid a fond salutation to the Arizonan furry community.
“Hey, good luck organizing the Arizona Furry convention...I’ve always loved animals, fought those that abused animals and will continue to do so...In any event, have a great convention,” the sheriff grumbles into his iPhone camera, suggesting he truly does not know what all goes on at one of these things.
When later educated by an AZCentral.com reporter about the nuances the furry community, Arpaio replied, “I get these requests all the time—people wanting me to say happy birthday, this and that...I think I’ve gotten over 240 already. With my popularity, I could charge $1,000 for each one, but I only charge $30.”
Classy as always, Sheriff Joe. And while it’s still unknown exactly who put forth the request, the site’s sleuth reporting posits it was most likely the anonymous patron known as “Sir Yiffs a Lot.” For those who don’t know the term “yiff,” um, well, maybe you can just ask Sheriff Joe about that one.
Send Great Job, Internet yiffs to gji@theonion.com