Based on the following ad, here's a short list of what pocket-sized pop star Christina Aguilera is trying to sell you.

(via Mollygood)

—A seminar entitled "Photoshop: Easy as 1-2-3!"

—Super-fancy bubbles

Labyrinth: Labyrinthier: a remake of the movie starring Aguilera instead of David Bowie.

—Perfume that smells like pink and computers

—A revolutionary new arm-shortening procedure

—A giant vase filled with the life-giving waters of Astaryth. They are the only thing that can save the child-like empress. You must cross Fantasia and bring them to her now, no matter the danger!

—Crystal Light's new flavor: Pomegrante Hope Glow

—Christina Aguilera Real Doll™

—Inspire brand invisibility tonic. Simply apply to any area you'd like to disappear, and that area will vanish, leaving behind an eerie white dot.