If you love honoring the memory of Michael Jackson and standing in unnecessary lines—and everyone who loves honoring the memory of Michael Jackson loves standing in unneccessary lines—then today is your lucky day, because Disneyland is re-releasing Captain EO, and apparently everyone is waiting in line to see it for some reason.
Why wait in line for hours to watch Captain EO at Disneyland when you could just pluck your eyeballs out and roll them over a Muppets poster while listening to Bad, and get the same effect?
Oh, right. Because waiting in line to watch a bad Michael Jackson short film at Disneyland is the best way to "honor" Michael Jackson—which is something we should all strive to do as much as possible. (At night, before you go to sleep, ask yourself: "How did I honor Michael Jackson today? How can I honor him even more tomorrow?")
"Captain EO" debuted at the height of Jackson’s fame in 1986, featuring director Francis Ford Coppola and executive producer George Lucas. It cost a reported $30 million to make and ran as an attraction at the theme park until 1997.
Fans began lobbying for the return of the 3-D film soon after Jackson’s death last year, saying it would honor the King of Pop.
The Times' Brady McDonald, writing at the Daily Travel & Deal blog, says the return of Captain EO “presents a perplexing challenge to family-centric Disney: How to market a movie relic starring a controversial character without appearing to capitalize on his demise.”
Hmm. That is a perplexing challenge. I guess that's why Disney decided to avoid it altogether and just said, "Screw it. You want Captain EO? You got it. Come see the ghost of Michael Jackson!" The line probably began forming almost immediately.
Were there casualties? Oh, definitely:
At 10 a.m., the 17-minute, science fiction-themed musical returns to the Tomorrowland Theater for limited engagement. It replaces "Honey I Shrunk the Audience," which closed Jan. 3.
Poor Honey, I Shrunk The Audience. The return of Captain EO means we won't be seeing that movie at Disneyland again until we all want to honor Rick Moranis.
