White House Down

As the snows of winter give way to the green buds of spring, so does the cinematic crap of the January-February studio dumping-ground season give way to the much more expensive and expansive cinematic crap of summer. Which explains the utterly incoherent new trailer for Roland Emmerich’s White House Down, 2013’s second “terrorists attack Washington D.C. and threaten the president and only a lone-wolf hero can save him” movie. Antoine Fuqua’s $70 million Olympus Has Fallen was rushed into production and into theaters to be the first “terrorists attack Washington D.C. etc. etc.” on screens this year, with the $150 million White House Down trailing behind with a late-June release. But the latter is apparently out to compensate for its scheduling lollygagging by blowing up way more stuff. Supposedly White House Down has a plot, involving lone-wolf hero Channing Tatum touring the White House with his young daughter, then getting involved in rescuing President Jamie Foxx and rebuffing a terrorist attack. But it’s impossible to tell from this trailer, which is mostly people screaming and running and bleeding as things explode. Next up from Emmerich: BOOM!: The Movie, which will bring us one inevitable step closer to Ass: The Movie.