Well, folks, we’ve (almost) made it through another year. You know what that means: It’s time to pop the champagne, don our silly 2023 glasses, push down the existential dread, and watch news anchors get absolutely trashed on national television. Even though CNN is trying to bring back the last ‘20s with a booze ban for their correspondents, anyone who knows anything about prohibition knows the truth: fun (and Andy Cohen) will always prevail.
So, without further ado, here is our countdown of everywhere to watch the ball drop this New Year’s Eve, ranked by the likelihood of its hosts losing their damn minds (and maybe their jobs):
When/where to watch: 8-10:30 p.m. ET; NBC
Who is hosting/performing: NBC’s A Toast to 2022! precedes Miley’s New Year’s Eve Party (further down this list) and is hosted by anchors Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, who will reflect on the “humorous moments and buzziest videos, trends, and fails of the year gone by.”
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: Very low. Everyone knows the real fun doesn’t start until closer to midnight.
When/where to watch: Así Sonó El 2022 will air from 8-10 p.m. ET, followed by Feliz 2023 from 10 p.m. ET onward; Univision
Who is hosting/performing: Jomari Goyso, Lindsay Casinelli and Karla Martínez host the pre-show, where they will recap highlights from this year’s Premio Lo Nuestro and Premios Juventud awards, including performances from Daddy Yankee, Christian Nodal, Banda MS, Grupo Firme and more.
Feliz 2023 is an international special, hosted jointly by Raúl de Molina, Alejandra Espinoza, Clarissa Molina and Borja Voces from New York, Lili Estefan, Omar Chaparro and Karina Banda from Los Angeles, Roberto Hernández from Puerto Rico, and Galilea Montijo from Mexico. The special will feature performances by Daddy Yankee, Gloria Estefan, Natti Natasha, Wisin y Yandel, Mau y Ricky, Camilo, Eva Luna, Gabriel Soto, and others.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: Low. Univision’s special isn’t known for its messiness like some others on this list, but we may see a glass or two.
When/where to watch: 8-10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.-1 a.m. ET; CBS/Paramount+
Who is hosting/performing: Jimmie Allen, Elle King and Rachel Smith will host five-hours of fifty consecutive performances from Music, City USA. Flo Rida, The Zac Brown Band, and Luke Bryan headline the bill, along with some potential surprise guests.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: Low (by Flo Rida ft. T-Pain). While Nashville may be better known as bachelorette city now, this show’s slate of performances is too packed for its hosts to really have time to partake in the fun.
When/where to watch: 10:30 p.m. - 12:30 a.m.; NBC/Peacock
Who is hosting/performing: Miley Cyrus hosts with her iconic godmother Dolly Parton (replacing Pete Davidson from last year). Parton will perform her own set, along with Sia, Latto, Rae Sremmurd, Fletcher, Liily, and Saturday Night Live’s Chloe Fineman, Sarah Sherman, and Please Don’t Destroy.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: Low. Especially in the absence of Pete Davidson, this one is more likely to feel like a family affair.
When/where to watch: 8 p.m. - 2 a.m.; ABC
Who is hosting/performing: Ryan Seacrest returns to host the classic broadcast from Time Square, where he will be joined this time around by Ciara from Disneyland and Billy Porter from New Orleans. Performers include Duran Duran, Shaggy, Ben Platt, Aly & AJ, Halle Bailey, Wiz Khalifa, Finneas, Dove Cameron, and more.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: Medium. Seacrest is personally against it. While we’re sure the Mouse won’t let Ciara imbibe in front of Cinderella’s castle, New Orleans is a place where dreams come true.
When/where to watch: 3:30 p.m. PT; Meta Horizon Worlds, Meta Quest TV, Messenger’s Watch Together, as well as Shaquille O’Neal’s Facebook and Instagram pages
Who is hosting/performing: For those who prefer to experience the turn of the year virtually, Shaq will be hosting a celebration accessible by VR headset. Performers and guests include Cardi B, Ludacris, Lil Yachty, Killer Mike, Whipped Cream, and Rob Gronkowski.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: High. Two words: Rob Gronkowski.
When/where to watch: 8 p.m. - 12:30 a.m. ET (Don Lemon will also be counting down live in Central Time); CNN
Who is hosting/performing: This is the big one. Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen host from Times Square, along with Don Lemon (who once got drunk enough to get his ear pierced on live television) from New Orleans. Performers include Ava Max, Usher, Kevin Hart, and Ellie Goulding.
Likelihood of drunken shenanigans: 100%. Duh.