Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Anyone who has ever seen Jordan Catalano's half-assed cover of "Wanna Be Sedated" knows that Jared Leto's band, 30 Seconds To Mars stands very little chance of rocking, in any sense.

Illustration for article titled 30 Seconds to Lame

Still, Leto is an actor, right? He should be able to at least put on a decent performance in his role as rock star, even if his music blows: maybe by trashing hotel rooms, or injecting liquor straight into his veins, or asking for copious amounts of champagne and expertly separated M&Ms; in his contract rider. The only problem is that Jared Leto is a really bad actor. To wit, check out 30 Seconds To Mars' concert rider (found via

thesmokinggun.com's article on actor-fronted bands): Among Jared's catering requests:

1 bag of tofurkey Two (2) quarts of "Silk" soy milk 1 jar of all natural peanut butter and 1 Jar of regular peanut butter 1 Jar of fruit sweetened preserves and 1 Jar of jelly (grape or strawberry) Twelve (12) assorted energy/protein bars Eight (8) Oddwalla juices (wellness rocks)


I'm not sure if "wellness rocks" is a flavor of juice, or just a life affirmation. But here's my favorite part:

1 Container Emergen'-C (water additive) 1 container "airborne" formula tablets

Immune system boosters are delicious and all, but Jared is not even pretending to be a rock star here. For every tofu or "wellness" product on a rider, you have to counter with 5 bottles of Cristal, three weirdo requests, two boxes of ribbed condoms (a la Busta Rhymes), or one (1) dead hooker. Especially when your rider also includes clauses like this:

11. Artist Control

The artist is to have complete control of their performance.

Ooh, nobody touch the very important artist's art. God forbid someone fucks with your amazing, intricate eyeliner smudging. If Dennis Quaid didn't have a band whose name makes reference to a soaring Broadway musical (Dennis Quaid & The Sharks), 30 Seconds To Mars would officially be the lamest actor-fronted band.


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