If there are two things the internet fucking loves, it’s science and bacon. But now these two forces have been put in diametrical opposition to each other, sending users into the sort of existential spiral not experienced since it was revealed that none of your base actually belong to us.
In other words: According to the World Health Organization, consumption of processed red meats—i.e. bacon—has been linked to increased risk of colorectal cancer, prompting the scientific body to put them in the same risk category as asbestos and smoking tobacco. (Sausage and hot dogs are also on the list, but their cultural impact is limited compared to their meme-friendly counterpart.) Piling bad news onto bad news like strips of crispy, salty bacon on top of a fatty double cheeseburger, the WHO adds that red meat in general is “probably carcinogenic” to humans, and that high temperature cooking methods like grilling could increase the risk, although this last point needs further study.
However, there’s no need to panic. The International Agency for Research on Cancer, the agency within the WHO that sets these classifications, offers the panacea that just because processed meats are in the same category as cigarettes and asbestos doesn’t mean they are equally dangerous. Because while there are zero health benefits to smoking, there are some health benefits to red meat, including high concentrations of protein, B vitamins, iron, and zinc. Just limit your portions and don’t eat it at every meal, okay?
Mustaches, (vegetarian) pizza, and cats in silly costumes are still safe—as far as we know.