Kim Kardashian West’s stint as host of last night’s Saturday Night Live went pretty much as expected. Lots of Kardashians everywhere, plenty of Kardashian merch, a lot of very stilted cue card readings, Chris Redd doing his Kanye impression—picture the usual athlete-level hosting gig, but with more neon pink bodysuits. As for the successful businessperson and influencer herself, well, the writers looked for places to slot Kardashian West into things that would suit everybody’s needs and talents, most notably in the reality dating show sketch, The Dream Guy. Seriously, if a Kardashian can’t pull off a reality show bit, we’re all in big trouble.
As it turns out, the host didn’t have to do much more than play straight person to a whole roster of ringers, as the show’s slate of expectant bachelors was filled out with a truly impressive number of famous faces. (Either impressive or bewildering, considering that Saturday Night Live’s current cast consists of a staggering 21 qualified performers, all scrambling for airtime.) Deciding which would-be suitors to send onto the next round with a coveted “love token,” Kardashian West had to choose among Chris Rock, John Cena, Blake Griffin, The Boys star Chace Crawford, Jesse Williams, and former actual dating show contestant and model Tyler Cameron. Plus SNL’s own Kyle Mooney, playing a guy named Zeke, who no doubt had... certain qualities as well.
Oh, and Amy Schumer, who, playing the show’s producer, pledged “both of [her] holes” in response to Kardashian West’s surprise offer. Talk about tough competition, although Kardashian West’s contestant did list off the various shortcomings each suitor had revealed during the show. NBA star Griffin did something really bad at the luau. Williams never actually spoke a word to her all week. Rock forced her to watch all his stand-up specials, and mouthed along to every joke. And Cena isn’t technically available, with Kardashian West noting, “I don’t love that you have a wife.” Still, everybody passes muster in the end since they are all very handsome and extremely rich. (“You are literally the most attractive human I have ever seen,” says Kardshian West of the bashful Williams.) As for Zeke, well, he does this pretty funny kitty cat impression, so—yeah, he’s out. Tough luck for the ushered-out Zeke, especially since, as any viewer of reality TV long suspected, The Dream Guy’s set appears to be built right on the rim of the actual Hell.