Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: Season Premiere: Boston Auditions

Illustration for article titled American Idol: Season Premiere: Boston Auditions

Season 9, really? dang.

In my heart, I wasn't so up for starting another season of Idol.  With Paula out, Ellen coming in and now Simon allegedly leaving after this season, the show felt played. I mean, more played than before. I mean, as played as a show like Idol can be.

But maybe it's the cold weather, maybe it's because I'm getting more freaked out each time I read the news, but when it actually came on I thought, "Oh yay." I am actually kinda in the mood for this.

I love how the opening of the season acted like Paula Abdul is dead along with the ominous echoing voiceover…over…over.  I am not going to miss anything about her as a judge. But she did add a certain bit of "What will that crazy woman do tonight?" that made the live part of the show mildly semi-exciting. But soon we will have Ellen DeGeneres. I am curious to see how she will play out. I feel that, like Paula, she has a very cuddly exterior, but I get the impression that she does also Not F Around.  She might be "aw shucks" but she is a big deal celebrity-wise.  So who knows how those two sides will reveal themselves. She was pretty useless on So You Think You Can Dance but that was only for one episode. 

So it was time for the contestants.  We got the obligatory shots of the sun rising over various stadiums and whatnot before they got filled with the "lives of a generation, one voice at a time." These are kids who like to spend their time gazing over fences, gazing into the rain, gazing off in the distance, looking for dreams.  There was also a guy in a cowboy hat.

We started in Boston, where two girls yelled halfheartedly for Kara. Our first guest judge was Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, of whom I am quite fond.  I love that she looks like a cartoon character but also comes off like the kind of girl you would want to have a glass of wine with, or better yet, two glasses since she obviously wouldn't touch hers.  First up was Janet McNamara, the excited chick in the midriff-revealing hot pink top who learned how to sing from the Idol video game. Of course she sucked, and moreover, I wondered a few times if perhaps she didn't suffer from some sort of mental illness or social disorder or something (I think she was just super-nervous to be on TV).  She was met though afterwards by a very pretty young lady and I got a relationship vibe off the two of them so if that is indeed Janet's companion then she should be at least happy that she has a cute girlfriend.  Too bad Janet punched her in the head.

Maddie Curtis kicked off the trifecta of People Who Really Deserve It.   Between her (helping raise several brothers, some adopted, with Down Syndrome), the girl with the grandma dying of Alzheimer's and the cutie cancer survivor, which one is the best? Actually I did like Maddie's audition, I have to admit. The judges wet themselves over the fact that she chose Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." 

Then we saw Pat Ford, who was more confident in his obnoxiousness than any 17 year old should be, especially one who looks like Billy Elliott. He was rather entertaining to watch though, in a horrific way.  Less entertaining yet still kind of horrific was the glimpse we got of Amadeo Diricco's family. Ayyyy!  It's the "Sopraney Shores" up in here! They like-a to eat together and be a big loud family, whattsa matta with you? He's one of those big white guys with a soul voice who don't make it very far in the competition.  He's ethnic Michael Sarver. 

The episode made me laugh a few times with editing, like the slow-motion cut of the kid blowing the flower as it fell limply on the ground and the whistling wind noises and eagle shriek after the kid who whispered through "All By Myself."  Posh too was great for the episode, keeping a straight face mostly through the worst ones but giving her mirth away only slightly (it must be the Botox.) 

Of course the most entertaining part of the night was Andrew Fenlon, crabby Clark Kent, the hunk who hated having to wait.  I thought he was hilarious, personally, because he wasn't so much of a dick as a general weirdo.  And I laughed out loud at the dismayed way he went "Aw, man!" in a Kelso-ish manner when Simon told him he has bad energy.  Kara started off hating him but I think it was clear near the end of the audition that she figured young Andrew could help her get her groove back.

Yeah so, I had fun watching the stupid show.  I'm pretty sure there are going to be six weeks of auditions or something wack like that but for tonight, I was OK with following along for another round.  Tomorrow night: Atlanta.

—Who else here has downloaded an Adam Lambert song? "For Your Entertainment" is a good workout song, shut up.

—I liked that we saw so many of the contestants at their day jobs; it was a cute touch. 

—Ryan's t-shirt at the beginning of the episode said "Save Some." Save some what, Ryan?