Oh, goodness, this season of Idol isn't going to end until August, is it? Whee? So what's going on now is that there are three groups of twelve who are performing over the next three weeks and the top boy, girl and one extra from each group will make it to the 'actual' top twelve singers. Based on tonight's episode, this system is a waste of everyone's time as about two thirds of the contestants looked kind of stupid, which would normally make for good TV if it was compressed into an hour, not two. Oh well, let's get to it.
We started the show with obligatory weirdness between Ryan (who was dressed like the father of Ryan from seven seasons ago) and the judges. He mentioned that the judges' table was starting to look like The View, which pissed off Randy, maybe because Randy felt he was being told he looked like a woman and/or he was being told he was the Whoopi Goldberg of the group. I don't know. Paula stumbled over her words before anyone sang a note and she looked a little, um, not-so-fresh sitting next to Kara. Simon complimented Ryan's hair, Ryan looked uncomfortable, and then announced tonight's 'theme': Billboard Top 100 hits from the history of Billboard. Specificity, thy be Idol's name.
Jackie Tohn led off. I could tell from the purple puffed sleeve shirt she wore in her package interview that she has no hope of making it far in this competition but I like Jackie. I know, she's kind of obnoxious and "Little Less Conversation" wasn't the best choice—she didn't perform poorly, but it was hard to tell what kind of a singer she is. We know what kind of a dresser she is, though—the subtlety of M.I.A. mixed with the good judgment of Katy Perry. Whatever, Jackie is one of maybe two and a half girls ever to appear on Idol who seems to have some legitimate sass. When Randy said "I like your trousers," she shot back "The trousers like you, sir." Also, she made fun of the girls who sing "And I Am Telling You" which I think is kind of cool. I don't know how good Jackie's odds of making it are to the top twelve but I like her existence on the show.
Also new tonight was the awkward addition of having the contestants' parents and loved ones waiting in the wings to discuss how horrible it was to hear the judges' comments.
Next we heard from Ricky Braddy, who we never saw in any of the audition episodes for some reason. He kind of squandered his chance for us to get to know him better by not speaking into the mic while Ryan asked him questions. He performed "A Song for You" by Leon Russell, because he wants to show America who he is. I thought it was fine but boring—the other judges loved it but Simon accurately noted that Ricky lacks star quality—probably not entirely his fault though. At least his parents had clever (for Idol) t-shirts made in his honor.
I wasn't expecting much from Alexis Grace, the single mother who "dirtied herself up" for Idol by putting some pink in her hair. I was hating on her Chicago type outfit until she sang "Never Loved a Man" pretty damn well. The judges loved her and Simon even compared her to Kelly Clarkson. I see her going through to the top twelve easily and I wish her dad would get a haircut.
The Idol directors f'ed up the tape when it was Brent Keith's turn and Ryan earned a B for his improvising until everything worked out. Brent Keith has cute dimples but did that "I'm gonna take a crap right here onstage" pose that many singers opt for, along with an unfortunate heil-type gesture. On top of all that he somehow lacked stage presence. Randy tried to compliment the guy by saying "I can see you at a chili cookoff" but lest we all forget that's where Jessica Simpson was spotted being fat. Worse, Paula compared Brent to Bucky Covington and Simon asked "What has happened to Bucky Covington?" Oh snap! Brent's performance was forgettable—he thinks that he'll get by with the country music vote, but so did John McCain.
The first thing I thought when Stevie Wright appeared onstage was "she's really cute" but that was about the last good thing that happened. Poor Stevie. The judges told her in previous auditions that she needed to sing more like the 17-year-old she is, which she unfortunately took to mean "Sing Taylor Swift and dress 'like a teenager.'" It was bad. She sang poorly, danced badly and worst of all, looked unhappy. The judges unanimously panned it, Kara noting Stevie's identity crisis. I wonder if Stevie's mom had anything to do with her poor choice, as she thought the judges' feedback was totally confusing, but I don't think it takes a genius to come up with something on the spectrum between Taylor Swift and Etta James, maturity-wise. Stevie's conundrum was that she is 17 but looks a bit older. I will say this though, she held herself together remarkably for having her heart pulled out of her chest and shown to her on live TV.
Then the AV Club's commenters' favorite, Anoop Desai, sang. I like that he said that he wanted to sing songs that he, as a viewer, has wanted singers to do on Idol, but I wish he had chosen a song more like "My Prerogative" instead of "Angel of Mine" by Monica. It was kind of a boring performance but the judges still like him, plus he gave a classy shout-out to the band. I don't think Anoop was the best singer of the night but he may have a chance of making it through to the top twelve. And his parents were cute.