Gunther VI, a German shepherd with more wealth than the vast majority of the human species, will, unfortunately, need to be executed in the coming class war. Like the youngest children of Tsar Nicholas II, his death will be tragic in that he’s an innocent, born into a life of unfair luxury that he didn’t ask for.
Alas, reading the details of Gunther VI’s life makes it depressingly obvious that the dog’s killing by firing squad will be an eventual necessity if we are to create a better world.
NPR introduces us to Gunther by explaining that he’s currently in the process of overseeing the sale of his eight-bedroom waterfront mansion, which was listed earlier this week for $31.75 million. Gunther wears “his very best faux diamond dog collar” to meetings, having left “his real gold collar ... back at his main home in Tuscany.” The house he lives in was previously owned by Madonna. He sleeps in her former master bedroom on “a lavish round, red velvet bed overlooking Biscayne Bay. There’s a “gilded framed portrait of [his grandfather] Gunther IV over the living room fireplace.” His lifestyle is an abomination.
He enjoys all of this because dog wealth transfer, it turns out, works pretty much the same way it does for humans. Gunther is the sixth of his line and “inherited a multi million dollar trust from late owner, German countess Karlotta Liebenstein, when she died in 1992.” The dogs’ handlers are now responsible for making their charges as comfortable as possible by using this trust for each descendant. This entails normal dog stuff like “trips to ... Milan and the Bahamas” on private jets, visits to restaurants, and breakfasts “made of the finest meat, fresh vegetables, and rice” and, sometimes, caviar.
One of his current handlers says that Gunther’s trust is currently “worth almost $500 million” and has been used for real estate deals and the purchase of numerous sports teams. In short, Gunther VI is a mogul like any other. He just happens to walk on four legs, be covered in fur, and spends more time than most moguls licking his own anus.
For more on Gunther’s dog dynasty, read the entire article at NPR.
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