There are probably worse things in the world than being trapped in a room full of actors who are all wrapped up in a feverish, self-congratulatory circle jerk: like, say, being trapped in a room full of actors who are all wrapped up in a self-congratulatory circle jerk that is slowly being drained of oxygen, or being trapped in a room full of actors who are all wrapped up in a self-congratulatory circle jerk while a steady rain of razor-sharp knives falls from the ceiling. But, still, The Screen Actors Guild Awards are pretty bad. From the lifeless, over-important presenter banter, to the lifeless, this-is-an-important-event filler music, to the often ridiculous, you-all-inspire-me acceptance speeches teeming with pretentiousness, the SAG Awards are everything that's awful about awards shows distilled and condensed into a thick, boring syrup that takes two and a half hours to consume. Maybe that's why they're considered a good predictor of the Oscars. Anyway, to give you a feel for the glitziest union-sponsored event on the face of the Earth, here are a few video highlights, complete with superlatives: Weightiest Acceptance Speech For A TV Movie Acting Award That You Only Won Because You're British (And Jeremy Irons): Jeremy Irons
When he solumnly places his award on the podium and says, "Into the lion's den…" you know it's only downhill from there. Best Losers' Faces Montage: Best Female Actor In A Drama Series Award
Mariska Hargitay bravely feigns a lot of excitement, while Patricia Arquette and Kyra Sedgwick hide their pain by making out with their respective supportive husbands. (Side note: Why is Kyra Sedgwick constantly nominated for her acting on The Closer? Southern accents aren't that difficult, and bad Southern accents are incredibly easy.) Most Phoniness On Parade: Best Ensemble In A Drama Series
Everyone means so much, and contributes so much, and is so equal. Their names are just really, really hard to remember.