The merry troubadours and tawny bards of Bravo’s bottomless Real Housewives franchise will form a traveling circus this October, bringing joy and wonder to children of all ages with their fairytale yarns of legendary, inscrutable conflicts with princesses in other suburban castles and a parade of their exotic elephantine egos. Bravo has confirmed that the tour will hit Atlantic City (October 1), Chicago (October 8), and Atlanta (October 15) only, leaving the rest of the nation to wither while these privileged few enjoy a “unique, hands-on experience” that most likely does not involve putting their hands on anything, because do you know who they are? You can see a complete schedule of the performances here.