Buy a jar of Sia’s breath—for charity

By William Hughes  |  October 30, 2014 | 6:15pm
Aux Features Music

Singer and songwriter Sia has donated a jar of her own breath as a prize for an Australian charity event. The mason jar of tepid air, slowly-dying germs, and sheer unadulterated star power will be available to participants at the Adelaide Film Festival’s film quiz night on October 31. Describing the momentous event, film festival director Amanda Duthie said, “Gorgeously and magnificently, she breathed into a jar for us.” (The Australian pop star, who has worked with artists including Eminem, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry, was born in Adelaide.)

Interested consumers should feel reassured that their precious prize is in good condition: The jar is sealed with silver sealing wax, to ensure that no werewolves or Draculas can sneak into your home and open it. Which you’re completely welcome to do, Duthie added, because hey, it’s your jar of pop star breath now. Go crazy. (Crazier than owning a jar of someone else’s breath.) However, know that opening it and releasing the sweet, sweet CO2 within would ruin the ultimate conversation starter for any Australian pop fans you manage to welcome/lure into your lair.

“This is Sia’s breath,” you will tell them, as they slowly back away from you. “This is Sia’s breath,” you will say, as they blindly fall through the trap door into your underground labyrinth. “This is Sia’s breath!” you will cackle, your voice echoing as they desperately run through a thousand identical halls, your legion of deadly Breathcatchers hot in pursuit.“This is Sia’s breath,” you will whisper to yourself, cradling the mason jar in your arms, whispering louder and louder to block out the screams.

Proceeds for the quiz night will go toward supporting Adelaide-based filmmakers.

 
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