Game Of Thrones (HBO, 9 p.m.): Aspiring restauranteurs along the I-94 corridor could do much worse than to name their establishment for tonight’s Game Of Thrones installment, “The Bear And The Maiden Fair.” It’ll be quite the competition for Todd VanDerWerff and David Sims’ roadside eatery, Experts And Newbies.
Family Guy (Fox, 9 p.m.): We could write something about Peter learning to farm here, but we just passed a low-riding motorcycle, painted in an Evel Knievel style and mounted atop a semi trailer—and we think Seth MacFarlane would prefer us to be distracted by that (and possibly make a Convoy joke). Kevin McFarland, however, is disappointed that that wasn’t a plaster yeti in the same yard as the bike.
American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): We interrupt this account of the scenery near the Michigan City exit to note the huge American Dad development in which Klaus is reunited with his human body. And some day soon, Kevin McFarland’s going to find the fish that stole his original form.
Mad Men (AMC, 10 p.m.): We don’t care what that article says—the billboards along this highway could really use the Don Draper touch. (Don’t just let the information about an upcoming Huey Lewis And The News show lie there, Four Winds Casino!) Or the Draper-Chaough touch, which is almost certainly a constantly bickering, anti-Midas thing, and Todd VanDerWerff can’t wait to watch the collapse of the house of cards built in last week’s episode.
Veep (HBO, 10 p.m.): Diplomatic relations with Finland factor into tonight’s episode, presumably—but what of the humble folk of New Buffalo Township, Michigan, Madame Vice President? At the very least, Robert David Sullivan wants to know what the Meyer administration could’ve done to keep the O’Brien Inn’s restaurant in the black. They can only boast of their indoor pool now, Selina!
The Borgias (Showtime, 10 p.m.): Roma Pizzeria. That’s a sign we just saw, so we can only assume that Les Chappell and his Borgias buddies are using roadside advertising to give us a thumbs up for this gag.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Farscape (11 a.m.): It’s long stretches of anonymous highway like this that inspire twisty, inventive sci-fi series like Farscape. Right now, we’re imagining the 18-wheelers surrounding us as intergalactic blockade runners, and if this Space Road Truckers idea ever gets anywhere, Alasdair Wilkins is the man to tackle the first draft.
The Simpsons (3 p.m.): Todd VanDerWerff comes to the end of the fifth season, with a look at “Secrets Of A Successful… Wait, did that billboard just say “Chocolate Garden”? Mmm—chocolate foliage.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
XOX Betsey Johnson (Style, 8 p.m.): You know, they say in Michigan that there are only two seasons: Winter and construction. (Yuk yuk yuk.) Perhaps punked-out fashion maven Bestey Johsnon can devote an episode of her new show to advising us on what one wears during construction season. (A bright pink hard hat sprinkled liberally with glitter, probably.)
Great Bear Stakeout (Discovery, 9 p.m.): No need to make this show contort itself into this road-trip gag: Judging by title alone, it’s perfect just the way it is.
10 Buildings That Changed America (PBS, 10 p.m.): Probably absent from this series’ list of nation-making structures: Henderson Castle, located in Kalamazoo border and beckoning to all travelers by its very nature of being a goddamn castle in Kalamazoo. (Let it never be said the Midwest isn’t magic. It is.)
Breaking Amish (TLC, 10 p.m.): Did TLC ever think of advertising for this show with one of those road signs that warns of carriage crossings? (“Brake for Amish,” “Braking Amish”—same difference, right?) Because those signs are definitely more entertaining than this show.
Coming To America (Comedy Central, 6:30 p.m.): Someday, when far-flung relations travel to us, we’ll regale them with stories of how you used to be able to turn on something called “Comedy Central” and watch Coming To America practically whenever you wanted! (The story will end abruptly when the gathering is broken up by a RoboEnforcer squad, seeking to prevent any humans from “celebrating” and/or “enjoying one another’s company.”)
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (ABC Family, 7:30 p.m.): This is definitely one of the better entries in the Harry Potter film franchise, but any movie starring about a boy wizard orphaned as an infant feels like an exceedingly poor viewing choice for Mother’s Day. Better option for fantastical adventures with maternal themes: Aliens.
MLB Baseball: Angels at White Sox (ESPN, 8 p.m.): And suddenly our WOT? travelogue doubles back on itself, traveling to the former Comiskey Park for an American League matchup under the light-up pinwheels.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Smash: With Smash’s fate finally being handed down on Friday, it’s only fitting that the antepenultimate episode of Smash revolves around a “tribute night.” Todd VanDerWerff is currently busy prepping his own memorial for Frank Fisticuffs.
