Chris Pratt spoils Jurassic World: Dominion, reveals at least 2 people will get eaten by dinosaurs

By Reid McCarter  |  April 30, 2020 | 3:11pm
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Chris Pratt spoils Jurassic World: Dominion, reveals at least 2 people will get eaten by dinosaurs
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We’re more than a year out from the release of Jurassic World: Dominion, but some asshole has already gone and spoiled it for us. That’s right. Chris Pratt, though a friend to genetically engineered velociraptors, has no respect for humans, who would’ve liked to have the wild plot twists of the latest movie about killer dinosaurs eating people saved until they were actually watching it.

Here he is, the jerk, just spoiling Dominion on Instagram—and having the nerve to think doing so is funny. Watch at your own discretion.

So there we have it: Thanks to Pratt, we now know at least two people will, in fact, be eaten by dinosaurs in the next Jurassic World. The actor can try to defend this indiscretion any way he likes. He may try to say, “Ohhh, I was just trying to raise money for charity” or “Ohhh, I thought people would appreciate being able to win a cameo in a big Hollywood movie.”

That’s all bullshit. Pratt was peer-pressured—by Justin Bieber of all people—into hopping on camera and spoiling an anticipated new movie because he doesn’t care about preserving the mysteries of film. He’s willing to undermine cinematic magic, which is the most powerful magic of all, by tossing out essential plot points like they’re confetti and he’s the damn parade master. For shame, Chris Pratt.

Even worse, he’s challenged Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, and Chris Hemsworth to follow up his contest with one of their own, and you know what that means: It’s time to batten down the hatches before one of those wieners goes and ruins the next Marvel movie by telling us it’s going to have a big CGI fight scene at the end.

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