Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Christie Brinkley Almost Has This "Human" Thing Down

Evidence That Christie Brinkley Is A Believeable Human Being (From NY Magazine's profile of Uptown Girl, Noxzema face, and recent vindictive high-profile divorcee, Christie Brinkley):

1. Eileen Ford, of the Ford modeling agency, says so, and she should know. After all, it is her job to find the least human among us (models) and make them into reasonable facsimiles of human beings whose only job is to sell things (spokesmodels):

"She's a believable human being," Ford says, "approachable."

2. When being oddly patriotic, she speaks with emotion (which are things that human beings have).

"Look at the coastline!" Brinkley says, with feeling. "I just love America. I love living here."


3. She, like all human beings, wants peace. You can tell by the way she puts peace signs on every available piece of clothing or housewares item in her reach.

Brinkley is wearing a pair of diamanté peace signs in her ears. The buckle of the belt that's slung mid-hip across her tight, dark jeans is a peace sign, and the water glasses from which she sips chilled bubbly water have peace signs on them, too, as well as a slogan: back by popular demand.

4. Like most human beings, Christie Brinkley cares about things. You can tell by her bracelets.

One wrist is wrapped with an uncomfortable-looking amount of beads and baubles and charms and two leather bands in Rasta colors that demand, STOP GLOBAL WARMING NOW!

Well, if Christie Brinkley's bracelets say so…okay, I'll stop.

5. When Christie Brinkley sees a blue sky, it's like the first time she's ever seen a blue sky–and not just because her mind is like a fish, swimming around the large, water-filled glass bowl of her skull.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Brinkley says, throwing her arms wide. She speaks in the breathy, enthusiastic delivery of a librarian reading aloud to someone in the third grade, and she smiles almost constantly. She can talk through the smile–which reveals both top and bottom teeth at all times–almost like a ventriloquist. "Woooow," she exclaims, "look at the sky. Isn't it painterly? Look at the brushstrokes. Wow. Isn't it cool?"


6. Like most human beings, Christie Brinkley is in complete denial, mostly so she can concentrate on new, totally human business ventures that involve everyone seeing her as a "brand."

Here, on this sunny Saturday afternoon, on this lawn before the seagulls and the bobbing boats and the golden sunset, she is still the American Dream. Never mind that it's public knowledge that her husband sent e-mails to a swingers' site announcing, "I'm a horny dude!" She's not allowed, in the terms of her settlement, to discuss the divorce, so we can't know why she fought to make those sad details public.

Right now, she's focused on Christie, Inc.: She's going to design a line of organic bedding, and towels to match. She's considering a line of green furniture, and she's going to get back into making art–painting and "shell work."


7. She really enjoys working out with her Total Gym, alongside Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes, and the woman from Northern Exposure, as all human beings do:

Gosh, she's just so real and approachable. If you saw her working out while smiling and breathily exclaming, "Oh, it's fanTAStic!" you'd definitely approach her–if only to ask what her problem is.