Communicate, relax, and enjoy your sex

I am wondering when the best time is to mention being in an open relationship to new women. I’m a 27-year-old straight guy who’s been in an open relationship for six years. I often seek out extracurricular activities, but I am unsure of how to bring up my situation without doors closing. I wrote to a seduction blogger who often writes about open relationships, and his advice was to not mention it until I’ve had sex with the woman a few times and to not bring them to my apartment that I share with my girlfriend. This feels contrary to my nature, which is very straightforward, but is it perhaps the better method? Indeed, many of my “potentials” have been scared away when they learn of my relationship status. What are your thoughts on the matter?
Straightforward Honesty Offends Potentials

If your goal is to maximize the amount of pussy in your life without any regard for the feelings of the women who happen to be attached to those pussies, SHOP, then you should definitely take the advice of the PUA (“pick up artist”) blogger. But that’s only if you want to be a huge asshole who gets tons of pussy. If you want to be a decent dude who gets more than enough pussy—and “enough is as good as a feast,” as Mary Poppins says—then you’ll listen to me.

Tell “potentials” after the third hang/date/whatever. Let them get to know you a bit, then spill—before fucking but after they’ve made a small emotional investment in you. They’ll be more likely to reconsider prejudices they may have against guys in open relationships after they’ve gotten to know a semi-straightforward one and perhaps be less quick to slam the door.

But unless it’s a clear case of a drunken-one-night-stand/NSA encounter, no lying by omission—no matter what the PUA/POS blogger says. Most single people up for fucking a new person not once, not twice, but a few times, are seeking someone with long-term potential. There are lots of single people out there seeking sex for sex’s sake, of course, but a majority of sex-for-sex’s-sake types are hoping to leverage it into something more at some point. And most single people make the quite reasonable—if not always accurate—assumption that the people they’re fucking are also single—otherwise they wouldn’t be fucking them, right? If you neglect to inform the women you fuck that you’re not single (you’ve got a girlfriend) or emotionally available (you’re in an open relationship, not a poly one), you are knowingly taking advantage—and needlessly! There are plenty of women out there who are in open relationships and/or poly relationships, as well as women who are looking only for sex. And while you might have to work a little harder to find these women, SHOP, you’ll have better sex with a lot less drama—and you’ll spend fewer millennia in purgatory burning off your sins.

Your “tried-and-true” repertoire may feel like a bit of a rut, ROUTINE, but it’s a successful rut. You both enjoy the sex you’re having, and you come way more often than you used to. There are worse problems—and all you need to solve your repertoire problem is perspective and patience.

You have two competing and conflicting interests: You want to come regularly (because of course you do) and you get off consistently when you stick to your routine, but you also want to shake up your routine and try new things. But trying new things—even something as low-stakes as fucking in frillier underpants—makes it difficult for you to come. My advice would be to relax and give yourself permission to not come when you’re trying something new. To stave off frustration and/or self-consciousness, ROUTINE, constantly remind yourself that new things you both enjoy will be incorporated into your routine. And when things that work for you both join the ranks of the tried-and-true, you’ll be able to come while you’re doing them. This is a problem that solves itself.

And remember: You don’t have to stop doing the shit that works now. Let’s say you try something new on Wednesday night—new kink, new locale, new hole—and you enjoy yourself but you don’t come. So the next time you have sex, ROUTINE, stick to the already “tried-and-true” stuff that gets you there consistently.

Maybe it would help if you told your friend that you’re not having gay sex—you’re having hot, sweaty, bi sex, just without an accommodating/exonerating girl present. As for what to do…

You might want to look around for some other guy—maybe even a gay one—who you can have a crush on and slide into. But I’m not going to push you to do that, because it’s clear that you’ve got feelings for this guy and at the very least he’s got feelings while drunk for you. And while I should probably scold you both for fucking around behind his girlfriend’s back, BESTS, I have a hunch that you’re a bunch of teenagers and/or very young adults. So you’re getting a pass because this kind of bullshit is often a necessary and clarifying rite of passage for kids who are still figuring out who they are, what they want, and who they can and cannot trust. But I predict that this will end badly for all involved, and you will one day look back on the bi three-ways, the gay two-ways, and the way you once believed that “breaking up a lot” was evidence of a passion that could not be denied (when in actual fact it’s evidence of a couple of twats who cannot be endured), and be deeply, deeply embarrassed. But in the meantime, BESTS, enjoy sliding in.