In November of last year, we were introduced to New Zealand celebrity Doug The Potato. Unearthed by Donna and Colin Craig-Brown in their Hamilton garden during the end of August, Doug weighed in at 17.4 pounds, wore a little hat, and seemed like a shoo-in for the title of World’s Biggest Potato.
Unfortunately, this dream will not come true. Doug The Potato has been examined by scientists and will now need to be renamed Doug The Gourd Tuber.
According to HuffPost, Guinness World Records recently responded to the Craig-Browns’ request to verify that their starchy son is the biggest potato on Earth and were told that the discovery doesn’t qualify for the title. Guinness explained via email that “the specimen is not a potato and is in fact the tuber of a type of gourd” after reviewing the evidence.
The news came as a surprise to the couple, who have spent the months since “Dug” (as they renamed him) emerged from its dirt womb by showing off their pride and joy through “walks” in a wagon, Facebook posts, and visits from their grandchildren. Colin accepts Guinness’ findings, noting that “we can’t say we don’t believe you, because we gave them the DNA stuff.”
Fortunately, learning about Dug’s origins hasn’t diminished his affections for the frighteningly large ground monster.
“Dug is the destroyer from Down Under,” Colin says. “He is the world’s biggest not-a-potato.” Still safely kept in their freezer, Colin adds that he still “[says] ‘gidday] to him every time I pull out some sausages” and describes Dug as “a cool character.” He also plans to try to grow a giant potato on purpose now that he’s learned so much about huge tubers in the time since Dug’s discovery.
Whether Colin Craig-Brown will go forward with his previously mentioned plan to turn Doug/Dug into vodka, even if he isn’t a potato, isn’t mentioned. At the very least, we hope it’s given an appropriately grandiose send-off and, if not used to get people drunk, is sent off to sea on a burning ship to live forevermore in Potato Valhalla.
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