Every year, dozens of European nations compete to see who can create the "best" song in Europe—and who can present their song in a way that most resembles the shiny, spinning discotheque that is the center of RuPaul's id. This 54-year-strong competition is called Eurovision, and it is both painful and hilarious in equal measure.
Still, despite appearances, Eurovision is not just a race to the campiest. It's also educational. The songs and performances can teach you a lot about the individual countries that created them. For example:
Did you know that in Albania, Gumby is represented as half green-man, half-discoball?
He's also a symbol for male virility there. Thanks to Eurovision, now you know.
The people of Greece believe that heaven is a place filled with beautiful, luminous conveyor belts.
And many, many waxed chests.
For centuries, Russians have spoken of a rapidly aging giantess who roams various amphitheaters, looking to upstage the performers.