Even tireless murder machine Michael Myers is looking as old as we all feel in the new Halloween poster

By William Hughes | April 19, 2018 | 9:31pm

Aux Features Film

Ugh. You know how it is: You spend four decades gutting horny teenagers, trying to murder your sister, and just generally being a figure of menace. And then, just as you’ve finally earned your happy retirement in a shallow grave somewhere, here comes a movie studio looking to drag you back out to kill some more folks (and on your 40th birthday, to boot). Is it any wonder Michael Myers is looking so damn used up?

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As noted by CinemaBlend, Blumhouse showed off the first poster for its new take on the Halloween franchise this week, and we gotta say: Even for a dude in a cheap Captain Kirk mask, Michael is definitely showing his age. Not that it’s likely to slow him down once the killing starts (on October 19, 2018, just in the for the franchise’s 40th anniversary), but still, Michael, babe: It’s called exfoliating. We know director David Gordon Green’s got you running ragged, but maybe take a few nights off, let your pals over at the Silver Shamrock mask company pick up the slack for a bit, and just do you for a minute.