It used to be that people with severe, debilitating depression would stay in bed all day under a pile of blankets, hoping to generate enough warmth to penetrate through the thick, numb layers that encase their bodies like so much cold concrete. But in today's fast-paced, work-a-day world, what severely depressed person even has time to stay in bed all day beneath a pile of blankets? People today have to work–or at least sit upright–despite their depression, but they still want to retain that cocooned-with-my-own-hopeless-lethargy feeling. The solution? The Snuggie–a wearable blanket that allows you to literally wear your depression on your giant, cult-robe-like, polar fleece sleeves!


You seem to have thought of everything, Snuggie, even things that don't exist, like obviously Satanic, mid-winter Smores parties. And clearly the Snuggie is the Slanket but for real people with real jobs who just want to cozy up with their laziness in a basic wearable blanket after a long day being real, not millionaires who want a fancy wearable blanket to shield them from drafts as they walk around their huge mansions counting money. But what if your hands get cold, Snuggie? What then?

Also, if you wear your Snuggie in front of anyone (including yourself) who will keep your dignity warm?