When Mr. Peanut died a couple of weeks ago, we were all able to breathe a brief sigh of relief. The terrible mascot has lorded his wealth over us all for decades, strutting around in an ostentatious top hat and monocle, assured that his financial empire would endure any number of the recessions that cause regular people to suffer so dearly. The mild catharsis of watching the bourgeoisie nut die, though, was only temporary. We knew that Planters would not allow their piece of shit mascot to fade away entirely. We knew that something would happen soon enough. And so, during last night’s Superbowl commercials, the world watched in tired defeat as new Planters spokesperson “Baby Nut” was born.
Baby Nut obviously sucks ass. His social media is filled with grating, focus-tested “cuteness” and obligatory meme references.
And his poor managers have also tried to somehow position him as somehow superior to the babified versions of characters the internet has loved recently—like the small Yoda. This, on top of everything else that characterizes the horrible nut, has provoked an immediate and impassioned response, the gist of which is that Baby Nut is garbage.