Fox Searchlight has issued an official response to the lawsuit recently filed by Alex Footman and Eric Glatt, who argue that being asked to fetch coffee and do menial paperwork on the set of Black Swan was a violation of U.S. labor laws, and also totally boring. In a statement, the studio called the interns’ complaints “completely meritless claims aimed solely at getting press coverage for the litigants and their attorneys” and “groundless, opportunistic accusations”—though most of its rejoinder has to do with directing Footman and Glatt to the official complaint department located somewhere inside Darren Aronofsky’s office. (Hint: As part of their intern duties, they were required to empty it.)
“These interns were not even retained by Fox Searchlight and, in fact, were working for the production company that made Black Swan well before Fox Searchlight even acquired its rights in the film,” the studio says, adding, “These individuals were never employed as interns or retained in any capacity by Fox Searchlight, which has a proud history of supporting and fostering productive internships.” Based on that, the studio gleefully anticipates “aggressively fighting” the accusations by essentially saying it’s not their problem, meaning Footman and Glatt—in addition to never being asked to work on any film production ever again, most likely—probably won’t get so much as an apology for that embarrassing time they had just started telling Mila Kunis about their script idea, and she really looked like she was interested, too, and then somebody screamed, “Where the hell’s the Splenda?” and then it was off to Costco. And when they got back, Mila was already gone, and it was like, "What are we even here for, you know?"