Each Christmas, the Neiman Marcus department store makes the dreams of at least five incredibly bored millionaires come true with their annual list of thoroughly ridiculous, obscenely expensive Fantasy Gifts–because apparently the #1 fantasy of the extraordinarily wealthy is to buy a personal submarine for $1.4 million through a department store catalog.
All those gold bullion bars clogging the hallways of the east wing in your Palm Beach estate? Why not line the walls with $110,000 chocolate syrup portraits of everyone you've ever met instead of just letting that gold gather dust?
Stop throwing $100 bills in the fireplace just to watch them burn. If you put a few hundred of those together, you could buy a $50,000 tent that hangs in a tree, because that's what everyone wants in a tent!
A $73,000 diamond-encrusted phone? It exists! Finally. Now you can call all those friends you bought in style.
There is also a small plane, a concert involving Regis Philbin, and a terrifyingly stupid media wall (it's like covering your wall with a giant iPhone) for sale. But what thoroughly ridiculous, obscenely expensive gifts for bored millionaires will Neiman Marcus offer next year? Here are a few ideas for Future Nieman Marcus Fantasy Gifts:
Ruby-Encrusted Toothbrush That Is Also A Lie Detector—$50,000
This exqusitely crafted toothbrush will help keep the plaque away, while adding that extra sparkle to your bathroom counter. It is also a fully-functioning lie-detector for some reason.
Benjamin Franklin's Skeleton, Dipped In Platinum—$3.5 Million
Are you a history buff? Ever wish you could own history, cover it in precious metals, and then put it on display in your foyer? Well, now you can! We dug up Benjamin Franklin and dipped his skeleton in pure platinum for an end result so beautiful, Franklin would no doubt add it to his list of 13 Virtues–if he were alive to see it, that is! Truly, the ultimate conversation piece. Your cocktail parties will never be boring again.
Monkey Twin—$250,000
Everyone knows monkeys are adorable, but how much more adorable would they be if they looked exactly like you, but still like a monkey? What? We don't know, but we do know that there is a scientist in Colombia who will engineer a rhesus monkey with your face–or the face of a loved one–for $250,000. The perfect gift for the kid who has everything. When your child says, "Daddy I want a pony." You can answer, "Well, how about a monkey with your face instead!" You're welcome.
Laugh At Africa Air Tour & Luxury Safari/Spa For Two—$350,000
Board your personal, first-class helicopter in Namibia for an air tour of the region that will take you close enough to find widespread abject poverty amusing, but not depressing. Next, you and a guest will be treated to six days and seven nights at the world's only safari/spa, where the most exquisite tortoises will act as your personal butlers, and the tamest of trained tigers will fan you with palm leaves, all while you laugh at the extremely wide economic gap that divides you from the rest of Africa.
World Peace or Underwater Cottage Retreat—$10 Million
Think money can't solve all the world's problems? Think again. For a mere $10 million dollars, we will put an end to all wars currently being fought in every corner of the globe (offer does not include "skirmishes" or future wars). We can't say how we will do it, but it will get done. Or, for the same price, you could buy a fantastic underwater cottage retreat that our architects and engineers will install in the body of water of your choosing. Do starfish make good neighbors? Can dolphins be trained to deliver the mail? Find out what it's like to really get away from it all with your home on the bottom of the sea! (Comes with diamond-studded Welcome mat.)