Game Of Thrones (HBO, 9 p.m.): Even attempting to sum up a single Game Of Thrones plot in these pieces does disservice to the episodes at hand—and it’s not like what we write here will make you think “Oh, hey, I should jump into that ongoing, long-form fantasy story.” But know this: Todd VanDerWerff and David Sims have endless space and boundless enthusiasm for commenting on “What Is Dead May Never Die.”
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, 9 p.m.): The contestants craft a character for Puppet Up!, The Jim Henson Company’s improvisational stage show that’s far too convinced of the inherent hilarity of puppets with filthy mouths. Look, if Margaret Eby wanted to not laugh at puppets, she’d watch that Jeff Dunham documentary that always seems to be on The Biography Channel.
Nurse Jackie (Showtime, 9 p.m.): They tried to make Nurse Jackie go to rehab and she said “No, no, no—unless you give me a suitably wacky roommate.” She (as well as Phil Dyess-Nugent) is pleased to be bunking with a kleptomaniac. Hide your valuables.
The Big C (9:30 p.m., Showtime): “Sean comes up with a unique way to make some money” reads the beginning of this week’s episode synopsis. Phil Dyess-Nugent ventures to guess that this new business opportunity is either plasma donation, three-card monte, or a “Have you picture taken with my sister who looks almost exactly like Laura Linney” booth.
Mad Men (AMC, 10 p.m.): As anyone who saw the “next on Mad Men” montage following “Mystery Date” can attest, Matthew Weiner is out of controlwith regard to stifling spoilers for the fifth season. Todd VanDerWerff ventures a guess that the characters will eat, sleep, and breathe this week—though we can’t even be certain about that last one.
Eastbound & Down (HBO, 10 p.m.): After three seasons of perpetually ruining his chances for a comeback, Kenny Powers comes to the 21st and final “chapter” of Eastbound & Down. Nathan Rabin bids a tearful farewell to a goddamned American treasure, simultaneously petitioning the Smithsonian to keep a display case open for Danny McBride’s hair.
The Borgias (Showtime, 10 p.m.): Lucrezia is reunited with the father of her child, with the help of “a kindly prostitute.” Does any other kind of prostitute exist on television? Les Chappell wishes that, just once, TV would introduce us to a hooker with a heart of, like, stone or something.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Doctor Who (Classic) (11 a.m.): Christopher Bahn introduces you to Davros, creator of the Daleks. Readers, Davros; Davros, readers. And now, the inevitable: EXTERMINATE!
The Simpsons (Classic) (3 p.m.): Homer lives the dream of every easily bored 6-year-old with Christian parents by skipping church and having the best day of his life. (He even finds a penny!) Cue the wrath of God, accompanied by the cheerful giggles of Nathan Rabin.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Titanic At 100: Mystery Solved (History, 8 p.m.): “Mystery Solved”—is that right, two-hour History Channel documentary? You mean this whole “iceberg” thing was just a frame job? Well, since it only took the featured scientists an entire century to get to the bottom of this case, maybe they should start working on the Kennedy assassination if we ever hope to sort that out by 2063.
Tough Love New Orleans (VH1, 9 p.m.): The mother-son matchmaker team of Steve and JoAnn Ward heads down the Missississip’ and ends up in The Big Easy, where the drunken, horny tourists crowding Bourbon Street on any given night could use the Ward’s distinct brand of shouted relationship advice.
Masterpiece: The Mystery Of Edwin Drood (PBS, 9 p.m.):The latest Masterpiece/BBC adaptation of a Charles Dickens work is also the latest attempt at putting an ending on a story Dickens himself could never finish—because he died before he could. In the case of Edwin Drood’s disappearance, we’re betting the iceberg did it.
NYC 22 (CBS, 10 p.m.): Created by author and one-time writer for The Wire, Richard Price (and co-executive-produced by Robert De Niro), here comes a police procedural that just might fill the “prestige cop show”-shaped hole left by The Chicago Code. If you’ve recently wondered “Whatever happened to Leelee Sobieski and Adam Goldberg,” here’s your answer.
Get Him To The Greek (Cinemax, 8 p.m.): Did the world need a road movie starring the two least appealing aspects of Forgetting Sarah Marshall—Russell Brand’s sinewy rocker Aldous Snow and a Jonah Hill character who fawns over him? Probably not, but who would’ve imagined it’s so funny to watch Diddy yell at such characters?
A Star Is Born (1937)(TCM, 8 p.m.): Speaking of questionably necessary films, Clint Eastwood’s A Star Is Born remake is still humming along—and apparently about Kurt Cobain. It’ll be the third revision of this David O. Selznick-produced tale of the vagaries of fame, so you might as well get acquainted with the original, if only to know why it still holds power over Hollywood types like Eastwood.
Stanley Cup Playoff: Game 2: Devils at Panthers: The Devils’ victory on Friday night notched goaltender Martin Brodeur his 100th career playoff win—which makes sense, because, in hockey terms, that dude’s like 500 years old, and he’s only missed the playoffs twice in his career. Marvel at his still-acrobatic skills in the series’ second game, all the while hoping he doesn’t snap a hip.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Titanic (Saturday): Before tonight’s exciting conclusion (and that History Channel special that aims to provide a more definitive conclusion), check out Scott Von Doviak’s review of the miniseries that sets sail for Edwardian soap-opera histrionics.
