The invention of Google Glass promised an exciting, undiscovered frontier of interactivity with everything but other human beings, your environment, and anything else that’s boring. Like so many modern devices, it mostly promised interactivity with yourself: The solace of shunning everyone by wearing an off-putting visor over your eyes enabling you to have more time alone with the Internet; the freedom of no longer having to use your hands to type enabling you to innovate all-new paradigms of masturbating. The future looked bright—not that you could see it behind the porn video in your eye, because you were busy masturbating.
Unfortunately, Google has taken one look at this cold, isolated existence populated by self-absorbed cyborgs, pleasuring themselves with constant immersion in social media and really, really close-up pictures of naked people, and decided to do something about that last part. The company has now officially banned all sexually explicit material from the Google Glass app store, disavowing “nudity, graphic sex acts, or sexually explicit material,” or anything else that’s helped Google become powerful enough to develop the Google Glass.
It’s a last-minute decision, made mere hours after yesterday’s release of the first-ever porn app specifically for the system, titled Tits & Glass. As the name suggests (and the very NSFW website confirms), Tits & Glass aimed to provide a new way for Google Glass users to share and browse explicit photos and videos, eventually hoping to develop original POV content and “two-way adult interaction.” It aimed to open our eyes to a whole new way of living, then put tits in them.
Alas, the change in Google developer guidelines—a change that happened overnight, after Google was blindsided by the idea of someone attempting to combine technology with porn—has put a stop to all that. Now the creators of Tits & Glass say they’ve been forced to make yet-to-be-revealed changes to the app that will make it compliant. Such as, for example, dedicating it to a never-ending loop of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s video for “Put ‘Em On The Glass,” so Google users can see plenty of B-double-O-B-S straight sittin’ in the window (to the future).
As of press time, Internet browsers are still capable of accessing porn.