Here are just a few of the best quotes from Fran Lebowitz's latest interview

“ … The daughter of a friend of mine called me this morning and said, ‘I can bring an iPhone. I can explain to you how to use it.’ And I said, ‘Not having these things is not an accident.’ I know they exist. It’s like not having children: it was no accident.”

On visiting friends during quarantine:

“The only thing that makes this bearable for me, frankly, is at least I’m alone. A couple of people invited me to their houses in the country … and I thought, You know, Fran, you could go away and you could be in a very beautiful place with a cook, but then you’d have to be a good guest. I would much rather stay here and be a bad guest. And, believe me, I am being a bad guest.”

On how she thinks Donald Trump has handled leadership under a pandemic:

“When people say he’s not showing enough empathy—he doesn’t know what it means. Whenever he uses the word “love,” which he does occasionally, I think of the word “algebra,” because I don’t know what algebra is. I took Algebra 1 four times, because I failed it four times, and I still don’t know what algebra even means. I know the symbols. And that is what love means to Donald Trump.”

On Trump’s laziness:

“Trump is very lazy. I can tell you, the same way basketball players say ‘game recognizes game,’ sloth recognizes sloth. This is a lazy guy.”

On why she dislikes Bernie Sanders, despite agreeing with his political outlook:

“I’ve always thought, What kind of person leaves New York when they’re eighteen? People should come to New York when they’re eighteen … He’s seventy-eight, right? That’s the age you should go to Vermont … Go to Vermont, and, when you get there, take an eighteen-year-old and put them on a bus and send them to New York.”

On Andrew Cuomo:

“… My main question is: Where did he get that haircut? I watched him yesterday, I watched him today. Between these two times, he got his hair cut. Is there some secret haircutting place where you’re allowed to go? Because, if so, I also need a haircut.”

On how she’s been spending her “time in self-isolation:”

“It depends how much you count the time you spend sulking. Let me put it this way: when they compile a list of the heroes of this era, I will not be on it … I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to think about this, because it is a very startling thing to be my age—I’m sixty-nine—and to have something happen that doesn’t remind you of anything else.”

To read the rest of the interview, click on over here.

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