How To Work Out Like An Indie Rocker

By Amelie Gillette | January 29, 2009 | 4:34pm

Music Features Music

Good news, everyone! There's a new fitness program for indie rockers, and it's more than just running around shoehorning in examples to try and define that nebulous blob of a genre. How do you know that this fitness program is specifically for indie rockers? Because it says so right on the DVD:

From the press release:

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The Fitness For Indie Rockers line is unique not just for its rock aesthetic and bloodpumping music, but also for the technical innovation that enables audiences to choose from three selectable channels of music, picking a music style to match their mood. "CARDIO FOR INDIE ROCKERS" includes Indie, Heavy, & Punk channels, featuring 40+ tracks of music ranging from hardcore heroes Walls Of Jericho to indie darlings Eudora to Dance-Dance-Revolution-veterans The Motion Sick.

What? I have no idea.

Most indie rockers think they're working out for indie rockers if they're running on the treadmill while listening to their iPod, or laughing at people in Spin class while listening to their iPod, or considering buying a Bender Ball system online, even though it's just a rubber ball and you could get that anywhere so why bother, while listening to their iPod—but they are doing it all wrong. According to The Fitness For Indie Rockers line, here's how to work out like an indie rocker:

1. Choose an instructor who clearly idolizes both Gwen Stefani and the American Gladiators.

Hosted by bleach blonde, heavily tattoo'd, certified personal trainer Chaos, the series has received critical praise in addition to its fan popularity.

Dizzorderly Konduct and Entropy are also great personal trainers for indie rockers because they also have so many tattoos that the word "tattooed" can't handle it all and is forced to use an apostrophe. Indie!

2. Wear an absurd amount of Hot Topic layers over your workout clothes. When you look like a Suicide Girls garage sale exploded on you, that's enough.

Pretty soon your core will be as ripped as her soon-to-be-sweaty fishnets.

3. Find a really badass place to work out. Like, say, the alley.

The closer you are to graffitti, the deeper your stretches will be. That's the key to indie rock fitness.

4. When doing your mat work, don't forget the real reason you're here: the music. So, whenever possible, have guitars and a drum kit nearby.

Cardio, followed by band practice, followed by a cool down. That's keepin' f'tness indie.