2018's been a weirdly good year for comedian and actor Tom Arnold. His ex-wife Roseanne Barr has been making bold strides in giving him things to publicly comment on, while the general timbre of the political times has pretty much caught up with his blustery, boisterous persona. Still, for all the fun Arnold seems to be having, we do have a formal request to make of the former Mr. Stupid: If you have the Pee Tape, Thomas, could you just go ahead and release it? Please? It would mean a lot to us.
Arnold has been talking a lot about Trump-adjacent videotapes these days, including a massively weird interview he gave to CNN’s Poppy Harlow earlier today, in which he first implied that he and former Trump attorney Michael Cohen were going to have, like, a slumber party this weekend, and then went TV-catatonic (twice!) when Harlow pressed him on anything Cohen might have actually said. (For what it’s worth, Cohen denied that their recent meeting was anything but a selfie request.) It’s possible that Arnold’s lengthy pauses were meant to convey “I have privileged information that I must treat with conspiratorial care,” but the overwhelming impression was more “Oh shit, the things I say might actually matter. How did this happen? I’m Tom Arnold!”
Arnold was promoting his new Viceland series, The Hunt For The Trump Tapes, whose aspirational title already has us worried he’s not actually going to dig up anything more inflammatory than our current president being a big baby about water bottles on the set of The Apprentice. (And really, if video tape of him doing or saying terrible things was going to bring Trump down, it would have happened circa October 2016.) Still, Tom, we’re begging: If you have footage of Donald Trump paying women to pee on a Russian bed, don’t wait for the ratings. Don’t hedge your bets. Just reach deep inside yourself, pull out the Pee Tape, and let it flow across our screens. We need this one. Do it for The A.V. Club, Thomas. Please.