“Get James Wan on the phone,” Mark Burg and Oren Koules, the producers of Saw, said aloud, before shrugging and dialing the phone themselves. James Wan didn’t answer, because he was busy being successful. Bastard. How were they supposed to move all these Jigsaw action figures when he was out there creating new merchandising opportunities for other producers? They hung up the phone, and dialed again.
Shock ‘Til You Drop picked up. “We want to talk about Saw,” Burg and Koules said. Next thing they knew, they were sitting in a black room with a potted plant and two identical directors’ chairs. Was this a trap? Would they be forced to each produce a snuff film, with whoever came up with the smaller budget cast as its unwilling star? The journalist entered the room, dressed in a hoodie and jeans and unaccompanied by a puppet. Burg and Koules breathed a sigh of relief.
“So, Saw is coming back to theaters, huh?,” the journalist asked. Yes, for one week only beginning on Halloween, Burg and Koules said, conspicuously not mentioning the hot tub they planned to buy with the money. “What about sequels? Or a reboot? Is there another Saw movie in the works?,” the journalist continued.
“James and [screenwriter Leigh Whannell]…when Saw came out they were so afraid of being ‘the Saw guys’, and they were trying to make their own mark. Now that they’ve made their own mark, they’re very comfortable to come back,” Koules said. Realizing that this is not even remotely the same thing as saying they were committed to the project, he added, “We’re getting there. James and Leigh are absolutely going to put their mark on it.”
“Who knows?” Burg chimed in, nervously shifting in his seat. “We’re getting closer.”
“We kind of wanted to build it up. Our goal is to go to Comic-Con, not next summer but the summer after with our heads up saying, ‘Here we go,’” Koules added, sweat beginning to bead across his brow. “James and Leigh are comfortable with the success they’ve had. And it’s time. James is in post on his movie. Leigh’s in post on [Insidious Chapter 3]. Everyone has time and it’s time.”
The journalist smiled. “I have something to show you,” he said. He pulled back the curtain to reveal a hot tub, its dials turned up so high that the liquid inside boiled. A metallic smell filled the room. Blood. It was blood! “Why don’t you go for a dip, gentlemen?,” the journalist asked, motioning to a surveillance camera mounted on the ceiling. “James says he’ll work with you again if you learn how to relax.”
The puppet rounded the corner. It was riding a tiny tricycle. Berg and Koules screamed.